Feeling like “beeeep”

This past weekend I woke up and turned into the bitch from “beep”, I felt it when I opened my eyes Saturday morning and reached for my phone. Or more rolled out of bed to reach my phone since it is on my right side that is strapped up in a sling resting beautifully on an extra pillow. A very graceful roll. The grey’s in my hair is more visible then ever. The pale face is extra blueish. My body is extra everything with a sling on top of it. I look angry and old. What happened? I see it when I walk down the stairs. Stuff. Things. And a layer of dirt. Our house turned into a dorm room. I’ve been stepping over clothes, shoes, books, bags, kneepads, deflated balloons, etc. without really caring. And do I care now? Oh, yes. I woke up from a 17 day surgery depression feeling like “beep”. On a regular day I pick up stuff, move things around, wipe things off, fold laundry, empty garbage… I vacuum at least the kitchen every day, change towels, clean the kitchen, a get fresh grocery’s… I have done the absolute minimum for 17 days. Answering emails with my left hand takes double amount of time, prepping schoolwork takes days. Imagine how much stuff 5 adults with at least one practice per day, lunch bags, snack bags, homework, five extra computers… generate. Add on at least 10 changes of clothes including shoes every day since we are blessed with 3 teenage girls. I’ve done the regular 2-3 loads per day laundry but can’t fold it, so imagine what happens. I chopped an onion on Thursday. One onion, it felt like running a marathon. Unloading the dishwasher with one hand takes forever so I just give up. I have a butternut squash that has been staring at me for days. What did I think when I bought a whole squash and not the already cut up ones? How do you cut it up with one left hand? But I am awake now. And I am truly sorry for my behavior.

Biggest accomplishment so far: I am extremely right handed. I am lost without my right hand and I think it is connected to how my brain works, scary stuff. Filling up the car, swiping my card, unlocking the door, brushing my teeth… almost impossible. I managed to eat sushi with chop sticks with my left hand people! It is HUGE! I still have both my eyes.

Three weeks in, 30 something weeks to go and I just opened up my frozen membership at CrossFit. I am done. I am ready to move on but with the stinky sling still on. I should take a picture and post it on every single social media page I have, but let’s not push it people. It’s still a fine line between happy and insane.

The horrible mood changed after the weekend, after a very ugly breakdown throwing stuff and screaming not very pretty things. My Band and I are friends again. It gave me a nice 15000 steps and +2000 calories yesterday. We work together and we are doing fine.

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