Thursday night. Kids at late practice, garbage night, feet up. Made an extra batch of Bolognese that is still boiling. Life sure is exciting. I feel a bit broken. My right knee area is thick as a bratwurst and I have no clue what I’ve done. I just can’t believe it is overuse, ridiculous. Made an emergency visit at Mr Fix-it-all, our super fantastic chiropractor and he tried to ease it up a bit. I heard Power Plate and keep running, so I will keep running and shake it when I can. Blood flow is good. Always. I will focus on blood flow tomorrow.
I’ve been investing in training. Lots and lots of hours. Anything from 10 to 20 hours per week the last 6 months (or more the past 5 years or so). I have enjoyed more or less every hour. It is actually possible to enjoy even two hours bike/trainer in the garage starring at the wall. It takes some work but it is possible to turn around your mind. But lately my mind has been wondering off. I’ve have done things I like more and not what I need to do. Hold on here, you are going to hear a lot of whining, very unattractive, I know. I have focused more on pain, fatigue, not having enough time and not getting sleep. I have focused on my weaknesses and my problems, my tumors. And time just slipped. And now, here I am feeling like I am in terrible bad shape and not in any way ready for an Ironman. What I really want to do is a 24 hour wander on mountaintops and watch the stars and eat a sandwich, a long bike ride with lots of river crossings, long runs with beautiful views and heavy weights pushed over head, climb ropes and crazy overloaded sled pushes. I am terrified of swimming long, I am not a good swimmer. Back at goal setting and giving up on goals. I know I wrote about this in February and the sad thing is that I still think about it every day and every time I work out. Giving up is not my thing, I guess that is why I have such a big problem deciding. I pass the tri bike in the garage every morning and I feel like kicking it hard and I walk by and grab my mountain bike and take off. Probably a sign. Closing doors, opening new, at least a little window. Reevaluating, rethinking and re-doing. Will see what happens and what I decide before April is over.
Somehow it doesn’t work when I try to show a nice video from youtube. But click on the link and listen to Calum Scott singing Robyn’s Dancing on my own. Lovely.
charlottebrekkan.com 
I was driving my boys to Judo class on Wednesday evening, the day before you posted this, taking 140th and heading south from Bellevue to Redmond Way because traffic on 148th is terrible at that time. Somewhere before reaching Redmond Way I saw you jogging along the sidewalk. Wait, did I say jogging? I meant flying. Slow sucks, right? So, yeah, I saw you zipping south along 140th. “Hey, there goes Charlotte,” I thought to myself. You looked tired, like it was a hard run. And I briefly felt that “this is a hard run and I’ll be glad when it’s done” feeling. Then I returned to listening to the audio book my boys and I had playing. After dropping them off I drove home along 148th and just as I was approaching the Pro Club entrance I saw you jogging (oops, zipping, speeding, flying) as you turned from 148th into the Pro Club entrance. “Hey, there goes Charlotte” I thought. And, again, for a brief moment I felt in my gut that feeling I get when I reach the last 50 feet or so of a long hard run and how I’m looking forward to being able to do long runs again. But in that moment I was happy that I was in my car going home to see Teresa and not on a long run. And then I went back to listening to my audio book.
Hey Dan,
Good hearing from you! It was a bad run to the club but I felt good after CrossFit and I really flew the 6 miles back. I knew dinner was waiting at home. Slow really sucks. Hope all is well and I really look forward to a workout with Teresa when she feels like it.