Sometimes it’s good to take a step back and watch yourself and your surroundings. Change perspective and let everything sink in before you move on. I went to Boot Camp this morning, it is a 6am group work out with strength followed by a run. I am trying to build miles back slowly since I hurt my ankle a bit. I got a new training plan last week with new miles and new longer swims. 12k/7.5 miles, that was my start after a long time of shorter pain filled runs. I got a bit annoyed, 12k, and started to add up kilometers and time, indoor cycle classes and how I could use my time well and squeeze the rest of my life in. 12k, that’s short. Is it really worth getting dressed for 12k? Well, I did my 12k runs last week and all the other stuff that my plan told me to do.

We all know that it’s not the result that matters, it’s the journey. Yeah right, I would say 50/50. Of course it is a satisfaction to accomplish small goals and get the rewards along the way, learn from your mistakes and feel that you grow from it. I really have all my eggs in one basket here and all I want to do is finish. And the question is moving around in the back of my head, popping up every now and then, will I manage? Will I keep good form, develop my fitness and avoid feeling fatigue. The f-words. Good form to get more efficient, increase my fitness level so my body can handle more miles and recognize the symptoms of fatigue and back off or push through depending on how and when? I will never get fast and furious… and I am extremely impatient. I can’t wait and it constantly feels like I don’t do enough. But I guess it is always some comfort in discomfort, the discomfort of not feeling full control and not knowing the outcome. You just have to be willing to find it.

It was raining this morning, not the regular drizzle, it was really raining. Grey skies and clouds. I made a route in my head and took off with the rest of the group. Half way in my run, at turn around point I started listening to my breathing since my heart rate looked kind of funky. Everything good, tied my shoes and turned around, almost done, only 6k left. 6k, 6k… that’s nothing, 30 minutes something. Thinking for a while, 4 years ago I would have sat down and cried if I had 6k left of a run. Remembered the limping after my hip surgery and touching my scar to see if it’s still there. I remember my first half marathon and the first full, and how relieved I felt after, and tired. It’s only been a few years. Life sure is easy to turn around. It takes time and willpower, and it helps to have nice people around you. Take a step back and enjoy the view, smell the flowers, breath and move on. And I really hope my runs will get much longer in June, more time to enjoy the view.