The fear of being cheesy

Fear has a place in our lives. It makes us grow, take that last step, jump out of a plane. We talked about fear the other day. I met a person with a snake on her arm. A pretty large brown/black snake moving around doing snake stuff. I lost the feeling in my legs. I know it’s not rational and I know the snake doesn’t give a damn about me but I still have to turn around and try to drag myself away, far away. And breathe through my nose.

Maybe it’s because of the new year and that people around me made New Year’s resolutions, maybe it’s mid-life speaking to me or maybe it’s because I like feeding my fear every now and then. Leaving your comfort zone is a very overused expression. Scared shitless is better. Pushing yourself is not very pretty. But if you want to become more comfortable and feel ready you need to practice and feel uncomfortable every day. That zone is not something you take a step into, it’s not a room or a situation. It’s a passion in one way. An optimistic obsession, positive risk taking. It’s when something is stuck in your mind and you need to use your body to work through it. You need to get your mind and body to work together. In this case I am planning on doing it again; obsessing and going overboard, going to a crazy place, competing in a race, making memories that will last, hoping to find camels. Who doesn’t like camels? I’m checking maps and elevation, animal life (ie snakes) and water sources. When summer comes I will be packing my backpack and taking my bike apart and stuffing it into a box. If everything goes as planned.

I believe that fear changes you. Fear creates self-doubt, and that’s not pretty. It can eat you up inside out and creep into your head and get stuck there. That’s when the journey starts. The “mind and body journey”. You hear all the time that if you show up then you are half way there. That’s bs. Showing up is easy. You need to do the work, bike the hills, fill your pack and carry it, swim your 50s, run long every week or hike up and touch the sun, when you fall on your bike you need to get up and keep going… showing up is overrated.

You don’t finish a race by showing up but it starts the process. And the process goes on for a while, in your mind and your body. And one day the calendar says that the training is done. That’s when I will go look for camels.

In all the seriousness I make my ridiculous playlists, trying to make it a bit easier. I make sure I have pretty shoes and nice hats. Gloves that sparkle and snacks that tastes good. That’s how you make the everyday uncomfortable something to look forward to. And I know if I can get a cheesy mantra to get stuck in my mind, the body will follow, or vice versa, it’s that easy.

And I know this whole thing will work out. Very Marty McFly.

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