Category: In English

Våren har snart passerat

On By lillahjarnanIn Barnen/kids, Blandat/mixed, In English, Resor/travelLeave a comment

Så blev det äntligen fredag igen. Våren drar sin sista suck här. Träden har blommat förbi och lämnat rosavita täcken av blomblad på marken. Jag kilpper gräsmattan varje vecka, det växer så det knakar. Solen har gjort himlen blå och värmt luften ljummen sista veckan och vi har ätit middag ute varje kväll. Till och med myggorna har vaknat. Förra helgen tillbringade Johanna och jag i Los Angeles. Vi flög ner mitt i veckan för att möta upp hennes lag och spela en lång volleybollturnering i änglarnas stad. Jag vet inte om det är rätt att kalla Los Angeles en stad. Det är ett myller, fantastiskt vackert längs stränder och där palmerna står spikrakt mot himlen men avgrundsdjupt, otrevligt på sina håll. Värme, smuts och människor som utstrålar trötthet. Solbruna ben, skrattande barn och god mat. Trafik som inte går att komma undan, morgonrusning, lunchkö och även nattliga köer. Staden som aldrig sover. Varje gång jag återkommer upplever jag något nytt och jag kan aldrig riktigt avgöra om jag gillar det eller inte. De var en av de sista resorna med laget. Vi har en långkörare till Florida kvar men annars är det bara lokala turneringar fram till juli. Slutet på en era. När vi var borta firade Sofia sin 15e födelsedag. Ett år äldre, mer vuxen och ännu längre. Jag är snart omvuxen på alla sätt. Stora barn.

Här hemma började jag dagen med någon slags rengöring och upplockning. Det är alltid uppfriskande att jaga sopbilen vid 6.30 när vi glömt att dra ut tunnorna till vägen. Det hopar sig, både i hörnen och på öppna ytor. Lagom till det värsta var upplockat och undanstoppat så drog dammsugaren sin sista suck. Tvärdöd, tyst och väldigt stilla. Nu blir det ofrivillig shopping lagom till helgen. Och den gröna Electroluxen får hamna på sopberget.

Klättringen går stadigt uppåt och det tävlades ute på öarna när vi andra hasade runt i Convention Center i LA. Ytterligheter, glesbygd, färjor och naturen i gripbart avstånd.

Jag hade hoppats på säsongspremiär under veckan som varit och ännu ett lopp på lördag men det blir inte riktigt så. Segdragen förkylning, eller kanske allergier och en fot som lever sitt eget liv gör att det får bli några veckors lätt träning. Jag ägnade mig åt löpbandskilometer på hotellet för att undkomma trafik och värme vilket är så långt från uppfriskande skogslöpningar man kan komma. Kroppen är trots allt anpassningsbar och det är ju bättre att springa lite än inget alls. Jag delade hotellgymmet med några 20 åringar som körde discofredag trots att det både var tordag, fredag, lördag och söndag. Pumpade biceps, gjorde grimaser och kollade in resultaten i spegeln. Det är uppfriskande på något sätt. Själv har jag ju en sån otroligt helhetssyn, ha. Vem bryr sig om biceps när kolesterolet stiger och hjärtat åldras.

Jag försökte få upp de unga vuxna och äta frukost, lunch och middag, frisk luft, promenader och annat larvigt. De ville bara sova när det var spelfritt. Min egen dotter lydde mig trots allt men jag tror inte att hon uppskattade mina tidiga morgonringningar då jag gav sista chansen innan frukosten stängde. Jag predikar för aningen döva öron och inser att även de vuxna i sammanhanget tycker att jag är lite knasig. Men det bjuder jag på. Vadå rutiner, fasta måltider, frisk luft och rörelse för att kunna prestera bättre varje dag på en turnering?

Nu ska jag gå och röra på mig. Tacksam över att jag aldrig känner någon träningsbaksmälla, träningsvärken finns alltid men jag känner aldrig att jag inte har lust. Kroppen är lite av ett diesellok ni vet. Den mår bra av att köras runt, står den stilla så rostar den ihop lite. Kanske blir det discofredag, bänkpress och sånt man gör för syns skull. Eller kanske något mer viktigt. Jag famlar planlöst utan lopp och plan att följa. Men jag vet i alla fall att man vinner inga lopp med välpumpade biceps.

Vad som händer runt omkring oss har jag tappat kontroll över. Kanske Trump vinner, valutan devalveras och kanske våren vänder och ger oss floder av regn och dränker mina nyplanterade grönsaker? Vilken toalett får man egentligen besöka, dam eller herr? Och vem vill skaka hand med vem?Tydligen får man göra som man vill. Ve och fasa, världen är förskräcklig. Men ändå ganska bra.

The Open ending

On By lillahjarnanIn Blandat/mixed, In English, Tävlingar/races, Träning/training2 Comments

CrossFit Open is for the fittest people on earth. It’s truly amazing the stuff they accomplish with their bodies. But at the same time CrossFit Open is for pretty ordinary, half-assed athletes, middle aged moms like moi. I can’t say that I’ve taken it so very serious but I feel like I want to finish what I started. Last year was a disaster, pneumonia first week of Open. And you probably know that it takes more than a few days to rest up. I am not very proud that I kept training with pneumonia but that’s life. Add a couple of tumors and surgery the months before and the mental part of life got very mental. And Ironman training on top of that, a stress that I didn’t get my 100 mile bike rides and long runs in on the right day because of nonfunctioning lungs. Sometimes you need to stick to your plan to keep your life on track. It all worked out and I was race ready, switched races and went to Alaska. Great decision.

This year’s Open is interesting. I am constantly worried that I will rip my shoulder out of place so I tend to be over careful. My inner athlete is stronger than the outside, it’s frustrating. And then I got some back issues during 16.4 because of bad lifestyle choices and french fries. Started 16.5 but had to stop after 5 minutes. Went to the chiropractor and straightened things out, rested for a few hours and went back to finish it. Phew. Closure. It is always good to finish something you started. A race is a race. Open is not like running a marathon or finishing a nasty adventure race when you finish exhausted but high on endorphins but I think it’s good to finish what you started. It’s a relief. Closure.

It’s easy to lose track and not see what’s around you. I just want to take a moment to say that I think you all are awesome. We all have different goals, backgrounds and lives but somehow we come in day after day and lift the same barbells, swing the same bells and stretch out on the same floor in our puddles of sweat. We all have our limits and barriers, mental or physical but we do the same thing. It’s all good. It’s more than good, it’s pretty amazing. A huge reason we all plan our life’s around class times is our coaches. I know we don’t always do what you tell us to, we drop empty barbells, we sometimes workout in a half assed way but we all appreciate all the work you do. But if you tell me to push my knees out one more time I will freaking explode.

Happy Easter

Charlotte

March

On By lillahjarnanIn Barnen/kids, Blandat/mixed, In English, Resor/travel, Träning/training, Utflykter/outingsLeave a comment

My finger hovers over the mouse these days, I don’t seem to be able to post anything, unable to click.

Back from a long weekend of double tournaments in Spokane, the extraordinary city in the eastern part of Washington. I love to pack up the car and drive far. It seems like I am the only one in the family. One kid staying at one hotel and playing downtown, and the other kid staying at another hotel and playing at another arena. The car going back and forth, early mornings and late nights. Cracked the windshield the first day, not a good start. Add on a ton of bad food, lack of sleep, and sore bodies. Tournaments are tough for kids. It doesn’t matter how fun it is or how well you play, it’s intense. It’s a team effort. Rough patches in sports can feel like opening your heart to someone who doesn’t love you back. A long tournament really sucks the energy out of both kids and adults. Monday comes, the week goes on and the whole family is left with a hangover. The kids came home wanting real food, they are like super humans with metabolisms like Spiderman.

We came back to sad news from Brussels. Once again terrorism strikes Europe. I am grateful that friends living in Brussels checked in on Facebook. It’s difficult to understand, and maybe we don’t want to understand. Anger and sadness, and feeling helpless. Terrorists getting too close. Disturbing peace and trying to mess with our everyday life’s. The heart of Europe that was my hometown for a short time in the 90s. Je suis sick of this shit! And I follow the news from here and it seems so far away. I hear the kids talk about Belgium and their friends don’t know if it close to France or Russia, and that worries me. The world is growing smaller and closer yet some countries live outside and far away. Where is the center of the world? Trump worries me. A lot of things make me worried. And angry. And sad. It’s even more important to vote for a person capable of running a big country in a world in stress.

I’ve been following a debate in the Swedish news the past weeks. If they should allow only women a few hours per day at pools. There has been incidents were men get too close, men that can’t handle seeing women swimming with lighter clothes on. And women that swims covered with clothes believes that they should be able to swim with only women. This worries me too. It has taken a long time to get where we are now. Women’s rights, equal rights, men and women, voting, equal pay, maternity and paternity leave. Why? No. Equal. Think about it. At first I felt that the women should have their hours for themselves but when I actually thought about it… no. I don’t think it is right. We are different. If there are men that can’t handle it, move on. We swim, live, work, run…together. Don’t ruin decades of work. Men and women are different but we live under the same sun.

And as always…a training update. I try. I really do try. I am not really a Marvel superhero at the moment, not even trying to act a part. But I am healthy, balanced and pretty strong. Maybe that is good enough. I am trying to build the machine, feed the flame with firewood. But sometimes it’s not all that fun. That’s where I am now, at the intersection of I’m putting in 2 hours per day and not feeling it. I complain in my head before I run. I hear myself take deep breaths, of boredom. I can’t help it. I need something to look forward to, something impossible and beautiful. Mud, rain, wind and some snow. It builds character. You want to look forward to a warm shower. You want to look up at a mountaintop with a pumping heart and tired legs feeling overwhelmed and saying to yourself – Hey, it looks pretty gnarly but think of the view at the top. At the intersection of pushing your limits and experiencing joy is where the magic happens. I need to find that check point on the map. It’s close, I am sure. And goddammit, I really want to be fast again.

We have two scary opossums in our backyard. A man and a woman. We have even seen some opossum porn and it was not very nice. Rabbits, birds, dear, raccoons… you are all welcome. But opossums. Holy crap. Have you seen the teeth? And the tail? Just sayin’. I am more scared of opossums than bears. I sing every time I take the trash out.

WLC

On By lillahjarnanIn Blandat/mixed, In EnglishLeave a comment

Once again it’s taken me forever to write an update but I think I suddenly lost my ability to read and write. It might be the carb deficit. Or lack of coffee. There is a blogpost waiting on the computer, ready to be posted but decided to wait. It is about PE, movement, young people’s brains, the importance of learning how to move, jump, bounce, run, jog, crawl, roll around, walk on your toes, heals, walk on uneven ground (not the playground)… All that stuff you do every day teaching elementary school and spend a lot of time outside with the kids. We need to use our bodies to activities that store muscle memory and skills that we need as adults too so we can walk on our feet, squat, move our bodies and keep moving until we are old. I realized that I sounded like an old fart, super preppy and basically bought by the fitness industry so I’ll save it for another time. And it doesn’t work very well with the American school system either or the helicopter society. Parents with small children, kids are supposed to come home with lots of mud on their clothes every day. A playground with concrete and plastic toys is a bad sign.   

Since I don’t have a “real goal” in the horizon I decided to sign up for a challenge. Everything with the word challenge is good, it means it’s some kind of competition, keeping track of numbers… This one is called The Whole Life Challenge and includes a whole bunch of different perspectives in our life’s. I am the worst sceptic ever. I don’t believe in anything if I don’t get forced to try it and I usually have to prove it myself, whatever it is. I am the eternal non diet person, I really don’t think diets work. I guess I am too hungry. It needs to be whole hearted changes over time, small steps, but here I am. The WLF is a diet for a lot of “followers” but I see it more like vacuum cleaner and eye opener to get my faults and weaknesses out in the open. The whole thing goes on for 8 long weeks and we are 3 weeks in. As long as I keep decent food in the house and stay away from Happy Hour it’s easy. It includes a minimal amount of exercise, mobility, hydration and sleep every day. You also need scribble some reflections and every week has an extra challenge like diary writing, contacting people important to you, turn of media for an hour/day. And then there is the food thing. It’s clean eating, no sugar and very little dairy and grains.  

First of all it made me realize that I am not doing as bad as I thought, that’s always a boost for your confidence. We actually eat well, thanks to multiple allergies among the kids. My kryptonite is cheese and chocolate. Exercise, mobility, hydration and reflection (or the weekly challenge) feels easy, I didn’t have to change much. Sleep and food, that’s where I have to think a little. So far I’ve reached my sleep goal, 6 hours/night. After really analyzing why I don’t get enough rest, why I have trouble fall asleep and mostly why I wake up and stay awake it was an easy change. I cut back on coffee (once again, like race prepping). I still drink a couple of cups in the morning and sometimes a cup with lunch, but that’s it. Surprisingly I switched to green tea that in my opinion smells like something you find underneath the lawnmower. I drink a lot of Maroccan mint now, I know very lame. Cutting alcohol is for sure a game changer. Even if the amount was limited before it seemed to get my heart rate up and that’s why I wake up. Or that is my professional opinion. So I am at +6 hours, 43-44 beats, better sleep restoration and actually awake during the day. That’s always nice. Sadly it’s easy to see other patterns too. To many hard workout days without resting makes me sleep really bad. So this is really nothing new but it’s interesting to track the numbers. 

Food, that’s another thing. I had to change my breakfast habits. At 6.30am I am a crispbread, cheese and coffee kind of person. A yogurt and an egg if I have a long day planned. I think my Swedishness sits too deep, we love our bread and open faced sandwiches. Since I had to cut most grains, dairy (except yoghurt), potatoes, sugar etc I had to rethink a bit. So it’s eggs and fruit for breakfast. Banana pancakes tastes pretty ok when you get used to the texture nd if you overload it with berries. Lunch and dinner didn’t really change much actually, just some tweaks. I miss my regular smoked salmon (contains a lot of sugar) that is my go to lunch with scrambled eggs. It’s a lot of sweet potatoes and cauliflower around here at the moment. And no brie or morbier for dessert. That’s probably the worst part of all this.

All three kids are eating most of the stuff I cook and I only have to add on a few things here and there to make them happy. I think the biggest thing is snacking. From now on snacks consists of nuts, seeds, eggs, yogurt, fruit and veggies. And I love snacking, nuts, fruit, peanut butter on apple slices… But no cinnamon buns. Mindful eating during the day is the thing. I’ve been eating on the run for a long time and then it’s easy to eat too much or too fast. I usually grab a banana on the way to the car. Eat some trailmix or pretzels while waiting for the kids. A cappuccino and another one, and some crackers… And a double espresso after dinner. And an apple, and some more nuts… So I pack on a lot of calories eating nuts and still do but I don’t care. I am hungry! 

On the plus side it’s a bit more fun to cook again. I’ve tried new things and even the kids seem to think some of the stuff actually tastes good. It’s a little bit of a treasure hunt at the grocery store. A lot of things you eat every day that you think is pretty ok actually contains sugar and other extra stuff to make it look good. I felt pretty excited when I found wild frozen lingonberries without sugar the other day.

I wish I had spent some time to make my plates look a bit nice and professional but here you go. Some of last weeks food:

IMG_7574FullSizeRender

A salad of leftovers and meatballs with cauliflower mash.

IMG_7615IMG_7607

Cauliflower hash brown w prosciutto and lingonberries and some oat and seed crackers.

IMG_7584IMG_7580

Stew w veggies on spinach and thick spinach soup with eggs.

IMG_7577IMG_7575

Chicken w herbs and wild rice and Greek yogurt mixed with frozen berries and pistachios aka fake ice cream.

Happy 2016

On By lillahjarnanIn Barnen/kids, Blandat/mixed, In EnglishLeave a comment

I bumped into a friend today and she asked me if I was in hibernation or if something was very wrong. It has apparently been almost a month since my last update. So here we go peeps…

Welcome back and happy, happy new year. A new year. A blank new, unwritten year to fill up with new experiences, trips, hikes, rides and happiness. 2015 was mucho in many ways. It was a pretty good year for all of us but at the same time I feel really happy to turn the page and start over. For me the Alaska race was a big deal, all the training leading up to that and so was the surgery a few months after and all the training to get back after that; the highs and lows. I am lucky to be alive and kickin’. And I would for sure do the same thing again even if it meant hopeless pain, broken body parts and scary experiences. I have learned a lot about my limits and would for sure love to try to push them further. I am still recovering from surgery. It was a mean one and my whole upper right side is messed up, but it’s getting there… give me another 3-6 months and I will be as good as new.

I hope you all had a fantastic holiday. The last proof of the holiday season around here is the wreath on the front door. It needs to go but I keep forgetting. I almost deleted this Christmas’s playlist yesterday but realized there’s only 10 months before it’s time for a new Christmas so I might as well keep it.

2016 started out with a bang. Well, not really since fireworks are not allowed but it’s been busy since the first day. After going through all five calendars we realized it will be more than a busy season for the kids and I am looking forward to lots of sports related trips with the kids. And soon we will for sure know about our senior’s plans for the fall. This college thing is not all a pleasant story, it’s a never ending process. I can’t remember that it was this difficult back in the days…

Johanna, Caroline and I started with a trip to Portland on Friday, then Eugene this weekend, LA, Anaheim, Spokane, Anaheim again… over and over… (It hits me every time, Portland is a nice city but it is a weird place.) There will be lots of miles in the car and a lot of frequent flier miles this year. All three kids have a lot of team tournaments coming up for different sports. (My Sunday work schedule will be a bit complicated from now on so if you want to hire a HR/marketing/principal/teacher/exercise enthusiast/adventure racer with many combined years of experience for a regular non-weekend job, I am yours.) I can’t believe Pottåker, Börje and Åland felt far for a match when we lived in Uppsala and it makes me laugh a bit. Let’s fly to Florida for a volleyball match or two for the weekend, it’s only a 6 hour flight and a different time zone. My perspective has changed in many ways in the past years and it’s still a work in progress. I guess that is how it is when your kids grow up. This Sunday we passed the 8 year mark in the US, it’s a long time. The world has changed in 8 years, we have changed in 8 years and I really hope it is an ongoing progress.

So, new year’s resolutions. Lose weight, gain weight, move around more, or maybe less, eat more vegetables, less chocolate. No, just no. I don’t think that’s the way you change. So, no resolutions. Just do your best and if you know better, do better. Try to make good choices and enjoy life. Be loud! But not as loud as Trump (I am sorry, I just can’t help myself.) The world is completely upside down, religion is a hot potato as always and the problems are escalating every day. I am clearly not the one to give advice but use your head when you vote. It is important to understand that the person that will become the president of this great country after President Obama will have a huge impact and will play an extremely important part of the whole world’s wellbeing. Think of the big picture and choose wisely. Save the world, peeps.

I do have a resolution and that is to find a new goal. I am lost without a big goal to work towards. It will not be a huge race or something crazy cold and wet. I am thinking and will probably figure out something sooner or later. No more marathons on asphalt or boring city races. Mountains, trails, beautiful sunsets, long runs over bridges, snow and beautiful nature, yes. No boats! Well, kayaks doesn’t count as boats. Feel free to send me suggestions if you think of something grande with a cherry on top.

A few years ago I wrote a post for our three daughters and I am including a little part of that post again. I cannot remind them often enough how great they are and how proud I am.

§ Be nice to your sisters, always.

§ It is ok to be homesick (can we still call it homesick?) and long for all loved ones in our other country… they will still be there next summer. Facetime!

§ Never get in a car with a drunk driver. Call home, any time. And never ever drive drunk!!

§ Work out. As much as you can and as hard as you can. And it is ok to look sweaty, not very cute and feel like you are going to puke. It is actually good for you.

§ Always work hard in school, it will pay off. But remember, you can only do your best.

§ Never be afraid to ask for help.

§ It is ok to spend a lot of money on shoes, especially running shoes.

§ Don’t worry about love when you are 17, you have plenty of time. I am sure you will not even remember the name of the cutest guy in 12th grade when you turn 30. I don’t. Life goes on.

§ Accept people around you. Nobody is perfect. Not even you.

§ Do your thing. Be different. But don’t wear too short skirts.

§ Travel as much as you can.

§ Laugh often and hard. And laugh at yourself.

§ Keep your eyes on the ball, in sports and in life.

§ Learn how to drive a stick.

§ Cook and bake bread. Enjoy food, it is good for you and it brings people together.

§ Change is good, scary but good.

§ Do things that scare you.

§ No tattoos or visible piercings. And no, I will not change my mind about this.

§ You are all three so much stronger than you think.

§ If you can’t think, go for a run, a long run. Or a long walk, I know you really don’t like running as much as I do.

§ Stay educated and keep learning.

§ Read books.

§ Don’t stress… you have a long life ahead of you.

Beauty is the opposite of perfection – it’s about confidence, charisma, and character.

Happy 2016!

Charlotte

Ebbs and flows of suck and happiness

On By lillahjarnanIn Blandat/mixed, In EnglishLeave a comment

There is a certain ease and weightlessness in balance. And I guess that is what we all aim for. Balance. In between, good/bad, just in the middle. A lot of days it feels like I am trying to get away from that default setting of being out of control. Ten years ago balancing full time work and three small children I thought time and balance was the same thing. As long as you have more time you feel like your life will be more in balance. That is not right. At this point I am not sure what balance is, hang around the house and move flowerpots around, or move things around on your pinterest board (I don’t even have one)… seeing people you care for, knowing where you are going, sleeping often and long, staying well educated, being fit and healthy… So far, half a life in and all I know for sure is that life is ebbs and flows of suck and happiness. Mostly happiness but some really sucky things too. I guess that is balance. Since we all learned that we need some bad to appreciate the good or is that just what people say? Do we get one bad shoulder to really enjoy and appreciate the good one? So freakin’ confused here. And I am pretty sure some people would say that God or a higher power has something to do with balance and appreciation too. For the record, I consider myself a very balanced person with a few outbursts every now and then. One of those outbursts happened last night. Cursing, kicking and feeling seriously pissed. And a bit disappointed to miss a nice night with good friends.

Let me tell you about water behind the refrigerator. Yesterday, late afternoon, I did some vacuuming and saw what I thought was some water on the floor all the way in the corner on the side of the enormous fridge. And of course it was water. Nothing scares me more than water on hardwood floors in a rental. Two hours later I find myself on the floor with tools around me, water turned off and a leak more or less fixed. In a black dress. In those two hours stuff happened. Two kids at home working around the house desperately trying to make me happy. We are talking headlights on, darkness, turning of water, a little bit of screaming, calling plumbers but realizing that I am man enough to fix this myself. And why do I hear Donny Osmond singing I’ll make a man out of you in my head? And one husband in another state texting me hints and tips. I declared for the kids that this means take out, the kitchen is not to be used. And I had to skip my planned event for the night since I didn’t want to leave the kids home alone without water. After driving around trying to decide what to eat we end up at a place we haven’t tried for a while. I am waiting for the food in my black plumbing dress and who seems like the owner walks in and gives me the most smashing, nice compliment. It was probably just a trick to make a customer happy but I sure am a sucker for nice compliments from random men. I guess this means balance, one nice compliment for a few shitty hours wrestling a fridge and trying to save the floor from water. And food was delish and company awesome. I decided to drink a Cotes the Rhone with my spicy chicken. And we ate with chop sticks in front of the TV watching old reruns of Big Bang. Balance. Kind of like marry trash with class.

Another thing I’ve been balancing for the last weeks (or years really) is my mind. It’s been almost two years since I removed my evil tumor from my leg and so far so good. At that same time it was found I was scanned for more tumors since this type usually likes company on specific places. Another one was found in my brain. Not the best place to hide tumors. I know now that this particular one seems to be slow growing and not very evil so it’s no danger on the roof as we Swedes would say (which makes no sense for the rest of the world but it is kind of fun to say). I’ve been to checkups and MRIs, been doing blood draws and keeping track of numbers this past two years. The worst part of things like this is not the contrast running through your brain, bumps and bruises you get or the time you spend at the hospital. That time is the easiest part because you can focus on the shots you get or the hours in the tube. (And to all of you that are claustrophobic…it passes after the 10th time or so. It was a lot of negotiations with the technicians the first times but it passes, I even tried to bribe my way out. I fell asleep the last time. After this I even think I could go cave diving.) The worst part will be the days between the MRIs and the results, that’s when your balanced mind seriously get a blow. The second you get in to your car feeling healthy as a tiger shrimp you feel like someone hit you in the back of your head and your gut at the same time. But nothing is really different from yesterday and life goes on, right. And then it takes a few weeks to restore balance after a mental discharge. The only reason I am writing this is really because I got good news this time, nothing is growing. I am off the hook for a while or at least I don’t have to see the crew every season this coming year. I don’t need so frequent checkups as long as nothing happens. So this means restoring balance and figuring out what the next step in my life will be. Balance and letting it tip over to the positive side.

This is your only life…let’s make it sing loud.

December

On By lillahjarnanIn Blandat/mixed, In English, Träning/trainingLeave a comment

We have a visitor for a few weeks. An extra child that is not a child any longer. A little guy that used to run after a soccer ball, give sweaty hugs and play. He is now a working adult that took a few weeks of vacation and went to see his old aunt. I am therefore a tourist in my own town once again. Views, restaurants and outlet shopping. But is this my city? 8 years in and still feel a bit lost. I am starting to know how to navigate Pike Place and good times to walk through without being trampled. But I mostly feel like I should get a smaller car, parking in Seattle makes me a bit claustrophobic.

We are living in a world full of essays and applications. I feel enormously proud of the kids and their writing is beyond anything I will ever be able to accomplish. The college process is in full swing and I just realized that we will probably be in this circus for another 8 years or so. I hear Washington, Colorado, California… One thing at the time… swim lessons, learn how to ride a bike, drive a car, graduate high school… x3… we will eventually get there. I am happy to announce that all three kids can swim and they all know how to ride a bike safe in traffic. They all have basic cooking skills, they can bake and they speak 3 languages (1.5 more than I). We still need to work on laundry and how to behave like little ladies (I still have issues) but overall I believe we are doing pretty well. We’re working on the driving part and it’s going beyond expectations, the future looks positive. When I am old and have blueish short permed hair I am pretty sure I will have a driver back and forth to the casino for my weekly GT and gambling session.

The infamous shoulder is coming along. Some days I almost forget that I had surgery in October and go for run with a back pack. And then I wake up the morning after and wonder who carved in and chopped up my neck, shoulder and arm, I get a massage and hold my breath a little and blink away some tears when the therapist asks if the pressure is ok. One step forward and two steps back. I can run and that is important for the oxygen level in my brain. I am CrossFitting in a half assed way. It is very humbling. I am fighting to lift my arm overhead without weights and it’s going to take long time before I can hold my own bodyweight in a plank. But I am lifting dumbbells with one arm, squatting and crunching. Good or bad, I don’t know. But it looks like I am headed forward. At this point it’s just an illusion too good to be real and the archived memory is playing tricks and remembering the race euphoria. For now it’s the loneliness of a runner’s brain playing tricks of capability. I am still secretly dreaming of river rafting, paddling and trekking in a country far away but I smart enough to know that it will not happen, at least not in this lifetime. I feel extremely ready to sleepwalk close to the clouds, being washed down rivers with fear in my eyes and enjoy beef jerky and granola bars as my main intake for a week. I am a master at building castles in the air and I’ve always in some ways been a true believer in my own overcapacity. But even I have to admit that this time I will have to step down and wish the guys good luck and not be there in person. A short bike ride on a flat trail would be awesome at this point.

So on to even more non important stuff. Running and lots of work with you lower body gives you sore legs. And that is an understatement. My legs feel trashed, every day. I wake up and try to straighten out and stretch out without waking up the whole house. Foam rolling is more painful than waking up from surgery. I was off running for a while and tried to slowly get back into it. My long runs are long gone, I am lucky if I last 90 minutes. I’ve had less time than usual too so to compensate I’ve been speeding up my shorter distances. And you live and you learn. 5k can be extremely hard on your body and you get really far if you have 45 minutes to spare. I’ve always felt slow but man can I speed up if I have to. I have never really done any shorter races under a half marathon, so one day maybe. It’s a different kind of feeling and I must say that I prefer the longer, slower runs over a 20 minutes speedy run with bad stomach feelings after. It’s a combo of stomach flu, too many marshmallows or I went overboard with the umbrella drinks last night compared with a long run that is mostly – give me water and food now and let me just take a 30 minute shower sitting down. But I miss having a structured plan and a goal race and that need to change. As always I tend to go overboard without structure and that’s probably why running every day on pavement gives you extremely sore legs. Is it the importance of long runs, fartlek and swim intervals or oxygen in my lungs or the need to sweat a lot? I don’t know? You always want what you can’t have, the grass will always be greener on the other side. But… the grass is still pretty green on this side. Who could have guessed that I would move this well after less than two months. Even the nice doctor is surprised and curious. And as always… the definition of rest is interesting. At this point rest still means movement and moving forward.

Food

On By lillahjarnanIn Blandat/mixed, In EnglishLeave a comment

This is the ultimate food weekend in this country. I am slowly adapting to all the American holidays and somehow melting them together with our Swedish ones. I really think Thanksgiving is a nice tradition and it’s good to look around you and be thankful for what you got. (The days after with Black Friday etc I don’t like.) The Swedish holidays includes more cooked food and traditions that goes back hundreds and hundreds of years. We are lucky that way. It’s food that is treated like gold, cured and salted, slow cooked and interesting. And every year it gets a bit more up to date and green. Christmas lasts for weeks, the sunlight in summer is celebrated with food and drinks and Easter is a full week of remembrance and food. I still haven’t figured out how the Easter bunny is connected to Jesus’ death. 🙂

So food, this constant rebel messing with peoples life’s. It’s a lot of stuff going on in my feed concerning food and training and it does not always go well together. The hated carbs, the yelled at fats and even fruit is dissed. Love all, serve all. Apparently a lot of people planned on eating endless amounts of food Thursday. I get it, turkey is tasty and all the fixings can be good too but how much is possible to eat and why? It sounds like it’s the only day of the year you get cooked food. Turkey is good food, lean meat, good protein. Why mess with it? We ate turkey, mash, stuffing, lots of veggies and a good sauce. With friends and family. (And what is the difference between a cream sauce and gravy? Is it the thickness? I prefer the not so thick sauce but you still need to cook it a few hours to get the taste deep with blackberries, wine and lots cream.) So back to eating a lot. I am really not liking when people say they have to earn their food, work up a good sweat to eat, do the work and get the reward. Food is not a reward, we should all get good food every day and we should all be able to cook up a good meal every day. It’s energy, it’s fuel for your body. Don’t teach your kids to eat up to get dessert. I don’t understand the reward system aka the cupcake hysteria. That was one of the first culture shocks when we moved here. Every time the kids did something good in school they came home with candy and cupcake frosting on their face. Dentists hands out lollipops and every holiday is celebrated with decorating cookies.

Be grateful for a good meal and if you are lucky to be able to run, workout or take a walk, good. But never feel like you have to burn calories to eat, it’s part of life, but it is your choice what you eat. But strength and endurance on the other hand – that is a reward of good work!

We live and breathe

On By lillahjarnanIn Blandat/mixed, In English, OkategoriseradeLeave a comment

The Syrian issue is one of the most complicated problems in modern history. For Europe, the Middle East, the US… For all of us. It’s a question of freedom, religion, and the enemies of freedom. People dying, suffering, fleeing their countries and homes. It’s heartbreaking and impossible to explain or solve. Sweden is on “high alert” for the first time ever and people are shocked. Only the future will tell… Open hearts and closed borders, a problem that sounds impossible to solve. It makes it so difficult when religion is involved.

Life goes on here. We live and breathe. We are so far away yet so close. Our problems seems so small in comparison. As always I evaluate and think, how and why? Is it worth it to be so far away from the people that matters. We lost a very old and dear friend this week. It seems to be the thing right now. Every time I call my parents I get bad news. It’s a different kind of grief when a person dies after a very long life. I feel sad that I lost an entire generation. This was my last, beautiful friend from another era, and the last connection with my grandparents. The era before the 1st World War. It is impressive to live until 106, on the day. So many stories and so much experienced. So many, many years. I grief that my children lost a family member and the last connection to the older generation. And I really wish I was closer so I could to pay my respects and say goodbye.

A different thing… Mind. State of mind. The way you train your mind. And the way you decide to react and change your mindset. Adventure and how to train your mind, not only your body. That will be the subject of my next talk. I’ve been invited to speak and it’s always an honor to share your thoughts with other people. It means that I will have to get my stuff together once again, find pictures, try to think clear thoughts. I love it and wish I got the chance to do it more often, the clear thoughts I mean. It’s always interesting to speak in front of a large group in English, it makes it a tad bit more interesting.

From all the important stuff in life to the most trivial… We end the evening and discussion at the dinner table/homework table at 10.45…David Beckham…presumable the sexiest man alive. No! I had to Bing him and no. Felt obligated to inform my kids that he is 40 but they didn’t care. Yes, the man is ripped but he is not the sexiest man alive, ridiculous.

Well, hello ya’ll!

On By lillahjarnanIn Barnen/kids, Blandat/mixed, In English, Träning/trainingLeave a comment

Home alone, the rest of the family went to watch UW play Stanford. Volleyball of course. I am watching old recorded shows, catching up on stuff. Went to happy hour with friends, ate too many sambal spicy shrimp, got a pedicure, picked up dry cleaning, went to the gym and bought coffee beans. All that stuff that matters on a Thursday night. So what’s new? Nothing much but I will give you an update anyway. Just made myself a cauliflower gratin. My grandmothers’ tasted a lot better. Microwaves are good if your out of time but doesn’t really do magic to good stuff. Had some sad news from home this week and maybe caviar of cod would be more suitable than cauliflower.

Kids are tired. Who wants to go to school 5 days/week, I know I didn’t like it that much at their age. I always disliked school and as a teacher/principal that’s kind of interesting. High school is not the shit people. Long days, lots of homework if you want to keep all A’s and lots of practice if you play school sports or climb. Volleyball school season is officially over (and club season starts next week). Combining practice 5 days/week and and matches, school, homework, applying for college and work is not great. It can break the strongest teenager. Let’s just say that we are so longing for a Christmas break or even a short Thanksgiving weekend. And talking about Christmas, what’s wrong with people? Starbucks. Red cups. Christmas. Grow up. It’s a cup. Enough said.

It’s getting closer to Lucia and we have two performances before Christmas. My class at school is getting ready to spread some magic. Come listen at Nordic Heritage Museum December 6th. Always magical. And please say Hi if you happen to be there.

Came home the other day and found the old training bike in the kitchen. One kid had two weeks in between school and club season and wanted to keep moving her legs. Two of the kids decided to drag the heavy thing in and placed it at the best spot in the house in between the tv/couch and the Jura. On a thick yoga mat to protect the floor. I don’t know what to say. I am tearing up. Movement not exercise. Every day. It’s rubbing off. One more thing that is moving right now is the car. Well, not mine (it’s apparently too big and chunky) but the kid’s car. Caroline finally decided to get her license. And we are circling the neighborhood. Practicing right turns, stop signs and stuff. It makes my heart beats a bit fast. We are both doing better and better. Growing up is tough, both for kids and moms. This particular kid is giving something in return, French music. Gorgeous language. The other two are also giving me new stuff to listen to and will of course share. https://open.spotify.com/user/charlotteseattle/playlist/4qW4PFrQqMMxvx9ebGhNDh

Shoulder, as good as new…well almost. I am healing well. Can move, pick up stuff, cook, wash my hair… but not lift my purse. Ran 2 miles last week, and 5 miles and some more. Mowed the lawn and raked leafs yesterday. No bueno, but I got the work done. Gets tired fast and I still sleep really bad. I thought my lovely new Band 2 would read my sleep pattern differently, but no. I guess I need to work on my deep sleep. (And yes, I am loving the Band2) Weights are not in the near future, and biking will not happen soon but my left arm feels pretty strong. I am developing back boobs on my right side. Sad, very sad. If you don’t know what a back boob is don’t worry, it’s nothing good. I don’t see a race in the near future, or ever. That is more sad than back boobs. Met a fellow shoulder injured friend today and wishing him a speedy recovery. Keep moving!