Teanaway hike again

On 17 May, 2015 By lillahjarnanIn Blandat/mixed, In English, Träning/training, Utflykter/outingsLeave a comment

A new day, new adventures. Life is now a strange mix of CrossFit, hiking, climbing, kayaking and rafting. All because of new plans and goals. So exciting, so scary, so much fun.

Friday nights are always a nice finish of a full week. We usually meet up with our extra family and have dinner. Not this Friday. I had a busy day and I squeezed in a CrossFit class with some snatches and jump rope since I really need to work on my snatches. I finally left the house 5.30 and drove towards the mountains. A very full and heavy backpack, food for 24h just to be sure (or packed calories that tastes mostly like chocolate), new hiking shoes to break in and an extra puffy coat. Picked up Robin and an extra sleeping bag on the way and took off. The plan was to reach the ridge by Navaho peak and sleep a few hours and then move east instead of west as we did last time. It was a lot of snow from around 6000ft that we wanted to avoid. We left the parking lot at 9pm and started walking. We reached the ridge as planned, it didn’t feel as hard as it did last time when we had lighter packs. I remember the last steep part that looks like you’re on the moon as the worst possible hill. I think we walked it in 5 minutes this time. Hopefully a good sign. We got the tiny tent up, got dressed and ate a little. After sliding around like a worm in a very tight sleeping bag I actually think I slept a few hours divided up in 15 minutes chunks. Sweaty on my upper body and freezing knees down. I need to bring more clothes next time so I have something dry to put on.

One peanutbutter bar and a big bottle of almost warm tea and we felt ready to move. Before the sun was up we started walking again. The view up there is indescribable. I need to get myself a tiny camera to keep hand, the phone is not enough.

We walked and scrambled for a few hours and moved west over the ridge following goat tracks. It was a bit sketchy and tricky from time to time. A lot of ice/snow and loose rocks. Robin is a lot more confident and faster than I am and sliding around on the mountain edge with a heavy pack is not really my cup of tea.

We ended the day with what felt like an eternity of bushwhacking before we reached the trail that took us back to the car. A long walk/slide downhill, climbing over fallen trees after years of avalanches.

A beautiful outing!

Caroline 16

On 12 May, 2015 By lillahjarnanIn Barnen/kids, Blandat/mixed, In EnglishLeave a comment

One of the best things that I have ever accomplished happened 16 years ago. Early morning, 30 minutes after ringing the doorbell at the hospital a little energetic girl was born. I had instructions to call the cardiologist on call but he didn’t make it on time. I remember telling them that I thought it would be a very good idea if they could hurry up and get me signed in. We didn’t even get in to a room. After endless complications the months before it was such a relief to see her and hold her. A few days early and very eager to see the world, just big enough and very cute. We went home 6 hours later and introduced Caroline to her big sister.

16 years feels like a very long time but at the same time just like a short moment, a blink. From the first years of princess dresses, curly hair and always a chocolate mustache to the lego and lizzard era. Around 4 she decided to become a full time pirate and dress in black, camouflage and sculls. It lasted a few years before she eased up a bit on the colors and the occasional eyepatch. She also had Ralph Lauren year when she only wore polo shirts in different colors every day, 14 different shades. The last 7-8 years has been a climbing phase that is here to stay. Or that is what I think. So is the short hair. She is such a strong and confident young woman.

We have spent a lot of time together, especially this past year. I am so fortunate to have all three kids very close and they don’t seem to mind having me around. We have a pump up thing going every afternoon in the car. A 10-15 minute drive to climbing practice, a couple of songs that we like and gladly sing out load to. Here is one. And what really happened at the schoolyard?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H997IZkkO4Y

Happy Birthday Grattis på födelsedagen Caroline

Wednesday

On 6 May, 2015 By lillahjarnanIn Barnen/kids, Blandat/mixed, Träning/trainingLeave a comment

The day passed and I haven’t done much according to the manual today. I didn’t get out of bed until late. Why? I forced myself to lay low and wait for the right moment. Staying in bed after 7.30 feels like someone punched you very hard in the face. Not pleasant. The kids had a day off school and I thought it was a good opportunity to do nothing. I dragged myself to the gym around 9 and didn’t do much right there either. I don’t fly very high at the moment, more dragging my feet and mourning that I can’t run as much as I would like. It will pass… But I actually got stuff done after lunch and managed to get a speedy gear in. Laundry, lunch with kiddos, vacuuming, some actual work and dinner, dessert and got some baking done. Doing great on the housewife stuff for a change. Rolled chocolate/oat/coconut balls, baked cookies, made pasta with chicken and veggies, a rhubarb crumble and danced a little at the same time and got called out for some pics. I have one talented daughter that loves taking pictures.

The kids and I went to the movies last night and we finally got to watch Avengers. Let me just say that some of us felt pretty excited. And I apparently laugh too much, embarrassing. And I finished all the popcorn before the movie. I don’t know if it was the movie itself or the pretty faces that was most appreciated. One of us actually brought Thor’s hammer to the movies. It’s always a treat to spend a night with all three girls. They are all the loveliest kids, growing up, taller than me, smart and bright, with a great future ahead. Three girls and three very different faces and personalities.

I am all into dreams/goals at the moment. I guess I’ve always been. You know that it’s basically the same thing, why dream if it’s not a goal? I was thinking about getting a new, faster and smaller car but no… why not spend the money on something absolutely fantastic? My dream race popped up around the corner and I actually have an opportunity to join. And all I want for Christmas is a sea kayak and a pack raft. All those thoughts of ability, toughness, craziness and fitness level are bubbling round in my mind. It’s now or never. Can I function without sleep for days? Will I freak out? Fears and dreams are basically the same thing when you think about it. And can I heal my knee in a few weeks? And when I ask the coach and other important and very great people the only answer I hear is YES! Super exciting, adventurous, lots of surprises and very scary. Like one of those illegal and scary Kinder eggs.

Giving up, giving in

On 30 April, 2015 By lillahjarnanIn Blandat/mixed, In English, Tävlingar/races, Träning/training2 Comments

When you have passed 40 you should know better. You should be mature enough to grant yourself permission to just be and do what you want to do. If that is what you want.

You are old and comfortable enough to leave the house with no makeup and with not so presentable clothing. But you are angry with your body for not giving you more, for not running faster, for not lifting heavier but at the same time you are old and smart enough to know your limits.

You are old enough to accept that your body looks the way it does but at the same time wish it was a little bit younger and stronger. And maybe a little bit better looking. Everything slips a little and sinks a few inches. I remember boobs, it was awesome. Kids and exercising make some body parts shrink and some grow and you can’t always make that decision yourself. Accepting and liking are not the same.

You are at that point in your life when you still haven’t figured out how this life thing works but it seems to work out anyway. It’s a lot about winging it. Every day.

Your brain basically reached its capacity. If you add on extra information something else slips out. You remember recipes and old phone numbers but you can’t seem to learn that last pin for your new Visa card. Again. And passwords…sigh. And names, at least you remember faces.

The tolerance level for mean and plain stupid people hit bottom, and you are old enough to choose your own company and friends. It gets easier to say no.

With all that said I should be old and smart enough to be able to take care of myself and make my own decisions. I have figured out why I am having second thoughts when it comes to the race in June. (I know it’s just a race but since this blog is about very small glimpses of my life I choose to make a big deal out of it.) When you feel it in your heart, in your whole body, in your mind, when it’s in your thoughts, then you know it is right for you. I don’t feel it. It sure is in my thoughts but I feel uncomfortable and listless when I think about it. Scared is not the right word but not far from. Uncomfortable can be really good as long as you work on getting more comfortable. I have aches and pains in more than one body part that keeps getting worse and I add on new all the time. Foot, knee and shoulder, kind of essential parts for swimming, biking and running. And it has messed up my sleep for a long time. I wake up all the time thinking about swimming. Last nights sleep, waking up 14 times, not a good sign.

I’ve been looking forward to all races I’ve done in the past 6 years. Sometimes with fear but the fear usually goes away the more you run or prepare. I remember my first marathon, I felt really worried the first weeks but the more you run the more you build your confidence. And on race day you really look forward to get it done. When we pile it on we usually grow stronger. We get more capable and work more effortless. Mileage, weights, laps, burdens… over time we build it up and grow stronger. But when we do things in a careless way you don’t really grow stronger, you usually feel impatient and might not comprehend why you don’t move forward and up. You might even become weaker since your body and mind don’t work together. You don’t get very far when you do things half-assed. When you don’t want it bad enough you don’t try hard enough, right. A bad sign for me is that I’ve been wearing more ‘human clothes’ and less running tights. And my hair has actually been dry a few hours every day. I make excuses and feel tired. I focus a lot on my problems instead of thinking past them. That is not me and I don’t recognize myself at all.

I just have to admit that this is not my dream. It sounds so cool when I hear people talk about it. The ultimate race. But someone else’s dream is not my dream. Maybe next year, in 5 or 10 years, or never, not in June.

What to do now? I have no clue. I am from today without a goal. I have no reason to get up at 5am and run. I don’t have a reason to run hills or hard intervals on Wednesdays. My long runs and long bike rides might not be done. How does it feel? Not good at all. Empty. I actually cried when I sent off the email to my most excellent coach this morning. I am not just letting myself down, I have wasted other peoples time. So, if I know myself I will still have my old training program in the back of my head for a while, try my limits a little, get up at 5am every once in a while, run my hills and I will keep on running my long runs since that’s what makes me happy. I might even sign up for a race or two to keep me going.

Later, I am going for a run…

Feet up

On 23 April, 201524 April, 2015 By lillahjarnanIn Blandat/mixed, In English, Träning/training2 Comments

Thursday night. Kids at late practice, garbage night, feet up. Made an extra batch of Bolognese that is still boiling. Life sure is exciting. I feel a bit broken. My right knee area is thick as a bratwurst and I have no clue what I’ve done. I just can’t believe it is overuse, ridiculous. Made an emergency visit at Mr Fix-it-all, our super fantastic chiropractor and he tried to ease it up a bit. I heard Power Plate and keep running, so I will keep running and shake it when I can. Blood flow is good. Always. I will focus on blood flow tomorrow.

I’ve been investing in training. Lots and lots of hours. Anything from 10 to 20 hours per week the last 6 months (or more the past 5 years or so). I have enjoyed more or less every hour. It is actually possible to enjoy even two hours bike/trainer in the garage starring at the wall. It takes some work but it is possible to turn around your mind. But lately my mind has been wondering off. I’ve have done things I like more and not what I need to do. Hold on here, you are going to hear a lot of whining, very unattractive, I know. I have focused more on pain, fatigue, not having enough time and not getting sleep. I have focused on my weaknesses and my problems, my tumors. And time just slipped. And now, here I am feeling like I am in terrible bad shape and not in any way ready for an Ironman. What I really want to do is a 24 hour wander on mountaintops and watch the stars and eat a sandwich, a long bike ride with lots of river crossings, long runs with beautiful views and heavy weights pushed over head, climb ropes and crazy overloaded sled pushes. I am terrified of swimming long, I am not a good swimmer. Back at goal setting and giving up on goals. I know I wrote about this in February and the sad thing is that I still think about it every day and every time I work out. Giving up is not my thing, I guess that is why I have such a big problem deciding. I pass the tri bike in the garage every morning and I feel like kicking it hard and I walk by and grab my mountain bike and take off. Probably a sign. Closing doors, opening new, at least a little window. Reevaluating, rethinking and re-doing. Will see what happens and what I decide before April is over.

Somehow it doesn’t work when I try to show a nice video from youtube. But click on the link and listen to Calum Scott singing Robyn’s Dancing on my own. Lovely.

https://youtu.be/6tU7x5bjNBo

Random chitchat

On 17 April, 2015 By lillahjarnanIn Barnen/kids, Blandat/mixed, In English, Träning/trainingLeave a comment

Since it’s been a while since I posted something this will turn into a bit of a riffraff, random chitchat. And I know I can be a bit difficult to follow when I start, I hear that all the time from my close ones. So what happened since last time? Parents visiting, kids in school, spring break that felt too short as always, B in Scotland playing golf and not home yet. I’ve had a few weeks off from school work and feel very excited to teach Sunday again. We have had a few volleyball tournaments, a climbing competition in Seattle and a lot of practices all over the area. C took a short trip to Smith, Oregon again last week and sent me a picture with a short text saying “stood on top of this” that left me a bit worried and I expressed myself really well in response, “shit”. I am glad my kids are used to my way of communicating. But I’ve heard it’s good to give children opportunities to communicate in multiple ways.

And training… not going that well at the moment. I’ve lost it a bit again. I’ve managed to get in to a few CrossFit classes every week and have been running a little. Biking, swimming…neh, not enough. Took almost a week off when I went to San Diego and have been doing almost nothing when I had my parents here the last two weeks. I think it’s time to make a decision, maybe give up, give in, quit, or maybe start over and kick some ass. I don’t know. Ironman is getting closer and I am not getting any younger. And so many people ask me why the heck I am doing this so I am really starting to reconsider. And that is like failing.

It’s Friday! FRIDAY! Sunny and warm. And it feels great. Big plans for the night. Hanging out with my kids. I might move from one couch to another, or slowly glide down on the floor. Take out and a movie. I think it sounds perfect. And I am catching up a bit with friends, emails and texts. And checking in on a few blogs I’ve missed the past few weeks. A perfect Friday night. And I am honored that I actually get to have all three kids at home with me. The house needs a good cleaning, I need to do a lot of laundry, I should actually run and bike. I am way behind with everything. But, it’s a new day tomorrow.

My parents took off today. They have been here visiting for a while and next time we meet will be in Sweden I hope. The summer is getting closer.

I had the opportunity to speak at a Pecha Kucha event last night. It was a very nice evening with so many talented people from around Seattle. I am so honored that I got asked to do this and thanks to all of you that took part in different ways. If you ever get a chance to listen in on a Pecha Kucha event somewhere in the world, do so. I know I will.

I got a little surprised by the presentation they did of me before my speech. I got introduced as an exercise enthusiast. What a great thing to be. When I speak I am usually a teacher, principal, something that has to do with education or school administration or HR, a mother or something serious, but last night I got to speak about body/mind design from my perspective, that you can design your brain/mind when hiking/running/biking… and actually change your life. So much fun. Loved it.

I am still wearing the Band, the black little thing you can’t live without. An it’s actually true, I can’t live without it. It’s addicting. And so far so good, it’s working well. I track my runs, my biking and every once in a while my strength workouts. And, most important, I track my precious sleep. But I am not sure about the sleep tracking, I am confused, I am not sure if I should trust it. I don’t sleep very well, not enough, not deep enough, I wake up all the time and get a little stressed about it all. I know I don’t get enough sleep but to get it confirmed every morning breaks me down a little. And I don’t really know what to about it. I have tracked every night since I got it and I sleep between 4–6 hours every night and apparently I wake up 8-16 times in those hours. The bad part is that I can see how long I’ve been awake every time. I thought I was imagining this, thinking in the dark, trying to fall back to sleep. But it’s in black and white now, or actually more in light purple and pink. So, this is the only part that I don’t like with the Band, that it confirms my bad sleeping habits, it works too well. The sad thing is that I scratched it hauling around kettlebells over my head last week. And I would still like something nice golden on it, some bling. It doesn’t bother me that much anymore. It looks a bit odd when I dress up or wear something but workout clothes. In a way I miss using a nice watch to go with jewelry when dress up, so I stopped using jewelry. But who needs to look like a neat woman, I’ll go with the hardcore offender/matrix/prison look for a while.

Morning coffee

On 5 April, 2015 By lillahjarnanIn Blandat/mixed, In English, Resor/travelLeave a comment

Back after a few days away. Beautiful, sunny warm days with food, talks and walks with a friend. 100 000 steps recorded, around 45 miles and blisters in between the toes from walking in flip flops. Afternoon snacks and drinks, late dinners and long sandy walks. And now I am back in Seattle. I started out the day drinking real coffee, I could not find any decent coffee down there. And life looks so bright when you get decent coffee. And then I took off. Planned on around six miles, to Redmond and back. The plan failed. I felt really awesome around mile 6, felt even better around mile 8 and decided to take the long route home around mile 9. Good planning. Got really thirsty. Felt extremely tired. And stumbled in after 14,5 miles. Feeling like a baby elephant, rolling around on wobbly legs. Good plan. And it’s great to be back.

Finally Friday

On 27 March, 201527 March, 2015 By lillahjarnanIn Blandat/mixed, In EnglishLeave a comment

Sneaking in 15 minutes of rest/nap/sofa time after what feels like an eternity. It’s been a long week and it’s not over yet. The world is boiling around us. One direction are now only 4, the Antarctic ice is melting faster than ever, grapes makes you fat, the Ukraine/Russia problem – big issue… And Tomas Tranströmer the Swedish poet passed away. The one Tranströmer quote I have back in my mind is ”Mitt i livet händer det att döden kommer och tar mått på människan. Det besöket glöms och livet fortsätter. Men kostymen sys i det tysta.” I don’t even know how to translate but something like this… It the midst of life that death comes and takes measures on the man. The visit happens and is forgotten and life goes on. But the suit is sewn in silence.”

My Microsoft Band finally showed up by the door today. The one thing you can’t live without. I am the one that keeps forgetting my Garmin on runs, I forget to turn it on, to charge it, I broke the heartrate strap years ago but couldn’t care less. After tracking my heartrate when I had arrhythmia a few years back I kind of got tired of the whole thing. It’s not fun to monitored all the time. Now I am sitting here with this nifty little thing around my left wrist and can’t stop looking at it. 68, 62, 64, 62… deep breaths…65, 79, 81?? what the heck… 61, 58, 56… Oh my, I am soooo zen. So many possibilities, so much to learn. I’ll get back to you in a few weeks, after a few runs, bike rides… and let you know how it works. I think it will be fantastic. The only thing that worries me a bit is that I’ll have to stop wearing dark blue and that is about 50% of my clothes. Dark blue looks awful with black, never ever wear blue and black, and the Band is black. And I would like some bling on it.

Time to get the house in shape after 5 long days of backpack curling, shoemountain building and horizontal eating in front of the TV before our dinner guests arrive. No, not horizontal eating by me but the house is full of teenagers and let me just say that we buy those big boxes of popcorn at Costco. I know, sad, who does? My problem, shoes and books, I spread shoes and books everywhere. I simultaneously use two Kindles but can’t stop buying books. The feeling, the smell. And who doesn’t love colorful runningshoes.

Nu kalkar vi upp oss och kör in i det sista

On 25 March, 201525 March, 2015 By lillahjarnanIn Blandat/mixed, Träning/trainingLeave a comment

Jag träffade coachen, gurun, kompisen idag och vi snickelesnackade lite om våren och om jag följde planen inför den stora tävlingen. Allvar, stängd dörr och på varsin sida av skrivbordet. Jag hade lite svårt att svara. Ja, jag följer planen men tog ju en rejäl paus när jag hade lunginflammation. Det var många dagar när jag bara vadade runt i min egen svett, slem och självömkan. Ja, precis så illa var det. Och jag skruvade på mig och kände mig lite obekväm. Och hur känns kroppen frågade han. Jo tack, den känns. Foten är ful igen och gör ont, annars toppen. Träningsvärk överallt. Ungefär. Gårdagens 3,5 timmes cykling tog ut sin rätt idag. Jag gjorde ett försök till löpning imorse men beslutade att det räckte med 8km. Och jag förökte klämma lite på att jag är till åren kommen… Och så pratade vi på. Planen är fortfarande att rejsa. Jamenar, det är ju bara en dag av mitt liv. Det är bara att bita ihop och böja ner huvudet och hoppas på det bästa. Och så gick vi igenom matplanen för rejset. Var 20 minut ska jag klämma i mig mat, det är planen. Det blir mättande.

Det har gått överstyr. Jag har aldrig sett mig själv som en tävlingsmänniska. Jag gillar när det blir fart under galoscherna och det hettar till men jag bryr mig faktiskt inte så jättemycket. Nu bryr jag mig. Nu i mars har CrossFit gymmet en tävling för att alla ska socialisera sig lite och lära känna varann. Alla som var intresserade (32 personer) ingick i dragningen av lag, två och två. Jag blev ihopparad med en exceptionellt trevlig kvinna. Man får poäng om man är närvarande, lyfter och får ett person bästa, om man tar med en gäst, incheck på facebook (därav mina otroligt meningslösa incheckningar) etc. Min partner och jag är en bra kombination. Vi är med för att vinna. Och vi har så här långt gått vidare varje vecka och vi har högst poäng av alla så här långt. Lördag är sista dagen och vi vill ju såklart skrapa hem hela vinstlotten. Priset är antagligen en t-shirt men äran gott folk, det är äran som räknas. Nu är vi bra trötta. Vi har varit närvarande mer eller mindre alla dagar gymmet är öppet. Tack och lov så är det stängt på söndagar. Vi knatar, lyfter, snatchar, jerkar, gör östeuropeiska styrkeövningar, hasar oss runt på golvet, svänger oss i ringar och står på huvudet. Oerhört graciöst. Och jag börjar ta formen av en styrkelyfterska. Jag har börjat göra ljud när jag lyfter, blir knallröd i ansktet, kalkar händerna, high fivar med boysen… Jag behöver återta min vanliga form. Det känns som vi är värda en lång vila. Hur det än blir, om vi når hela vägen fram till prispallen eller inte, så kommer vi fira stort. Hejja oss. Idag var det en chipper på schemat. 800 meter löpning, 80 butterfly situps med 14lbs medicinboll, 600 meter löpning, 60 russian twist fötter upp, 400 meter löpning, 40 wall balls 14lbs, 200 meter löpning och 20 burpees, bröstet mot marken. På tid. Hepp. Det var kul. Idag skulle jag ta det lite lugnt men så for tävlingsandan i mig. Luften tog slut och jag nästan kroknade på slutet. Men, när man gör den sista burpeesen så känns det ändå som… pust. Och så en minut senare så skulle man kunna börja om. Pigg som en lärka, ärtig som en liten talgoxe, stark som en björn…ja ni fattar. Jag är rätt hyfsad på korta grejer, men när det hettar till så kan jag härda på. Och om man kan härda på så kan väl inte en Ironman vara så eländig. Det är i alla fall den inställningen jag har idag.

Thinking

On 24 March, 201526 March, 2015 By lillahjarnanIn Blandat/mixed, In English, Träning/training2 Comments

What is going on in your head? Do you always have a clear mind and do you have a way of processing your thoughts? I do a lot of thinking when I run or hike, I solve problems and feel like I accomplish something. It should be the same thing with biking don’t you think? Apparently my mind doesn’t work that way. I didn’t look forward to my long bike ride this morning. One of the kids got up before I could call this morning a morning, it felt like it was still in the middle of the night when I heard the shower at 5.15. And there she was, beside my bed reminding me that it’s Tuesday mom, AP study group. Of course I remember… give me 10 minutes… And I heard the rain and wind even before I opened my eyes. I checked the weather on my phone and tried to negotiate with myself to switch days but I am a tough boss. Today was the day. Got lunch ready for the kids, ate breakfast, took one kid to study group, had more coffee, took one more kid to school. Tried to sneak in a smile to kid 3 before she drove off. She woke up a bit cranky. And who drove her car in to the garage and plugged it in last night, now she will be even more late. It will probably take 30 more seconds. Ouch.

I am back home. Maybe I should do some laundry? Clean up? Work? It’s raining. I feel miserable. And I better get dressed.

And I am on my way. It’s cold, the rain is splashing up my face, I look like a dork with a headband under my helmet. I forgot to bring sunglasses. And my back break doesn’t work. Convenient. I will not try to change breaks again. Have to remember to fix that. And why did I cut my hair off, I can’t braid it so it’s all around my face. So much traffic. And after 25 minutes I am on the trail, away from all traffic and now it’s time to relax. But no. One tree, two trees… Birds, more birds… Woodinville… aahhh move away from the trail birdies… boooring, booooring…hands are cold… It must be time for a snackbreak, or maybe not yet? An eagle is circulating over my head. Is he going to eat me? Passing people…who walks in pouring rain? Latte moms, walking all over the trail. Aahhh lucky runners… you should smile, you don’t know how lucky you are not biking… And I am in Bothell. This is my turnaround spot. I get off the bike and beside me strolls a handsome rooster. Well, hello. We chat a bit and off I go.

Finally snackbreak and I eat something that looks like a Kexchoklad but is seriously hard core s**t and taste cra*. Last time I ate this kind of bar was after 20 hours in a long race this past summer. I remembered it tasted divine that time. Not today. I keep on biking and I am pretty sure I will end up in Oregon soon.

The rain stops and I am home. 3,5 hours. I haven’t had time to think one good thought. I get a dog like behavior when I bike. I see things moving and I feel the urge to follow. It doesn’t matter if it’s a bird, a plastic bag or an interesting cement truck. And I look forward to tomorrow, it’s a long run day. And I will get a chance to think again.