Sneaking in 15 minutes of rest/nap/sofa time after what feels like an eternity. It’s been a long week and it’s not over yet. The world is boiling around us. One direction are now only 4, the Antarctic ice is melting faster than ever, grapes makes you fat, the Ukraine/Russia problem – big issue… And Tomas Tranströmer the Swedish poet passed away. The one Tranströmer quote I have back in my mind is ”Mitt i livet händer det att döden kommer och tar mått på människan. Det besöket glöms och livet fortsätter. Men kostymen sys i det tysta.” I don’t even know how to translate but something like this… It the midst of life that death comes and takes measures on the man. The visit happens and is forgotten and life goes on. But the suit is sewn in silence.”

My Microsoft Band finally showed up by the door today. The one thing you can’t live without. I am the one that keeps forgetting my Garmin on runs, I forget to turn it on, to charge it, I broke the heartrate strap years ago but couldn’t care less. After tracking my heartrate when I had arrhythmia a few years back I kind of got tired of the whole thing. It’s not fun to monitored all the time. Now I am sitting here with this nifty little thing around my left wrist and can’t stop looking at it. 68, 62, 64, 62… deep breaths…65, 79, 81?? what the heck… 61, 58, 56… Oh my, I am soooo zen. So many possibilities, so much to learn. I’ll get back to you in a few weeks, after a few runs, bike rides… and let you know how it works. I think it will be fantastic. The only thing that worries me a bit is that I’ll have to stop wearing dark blue and that is about 50% of my clothes. Dark blue looks awful with black, never ever wear blue and black, and the Band is black. And I would like some bling on it.

Time to get the house in shape after 5 long days of backpack curling, shoemountain building and horizontal eating in front of the TV before our dinner guests arrive. No, not horizontal eating by me but the house is full of teenagers and let me just say that we buy those big boxes of popcorn at Costco. I know, sad, who does? My problem, shoes and books, I spread shoes and books everywhere. I simultaneously use two Kindles but can’t stop buying books. The feeling, the smell. And who doesn’t love colorful runningshoes.

I ran 12,5 miles today. I kind of see it as a new beginning after pneumonia and low motivation. Two weeks with no running (or barely walking) is a long time for me. Two weeks without clearing my mind, rinsing my body and processing thoughts. I dropped off Sofia for morning practice and went to the gym early this morning. It was dark outside and surprisingly cold and wet so I decided to stay inside. I did 5 boring treadmill miles, listening to a pod and watching news at the same time. So good, boring like crazy but it really empties your mind. And after an hour of crossfit when the sun was up and the sky looked blue I took off for a slow 7ish miler by the lake. I got some music in my ears to fade out the traffic and I had time to think. Slow tunes and slow pace, deep breathing and lots of thinking. And I started making lists in my head. Sofiasnacks for Spokane, emails to send, books to read and thoughts of happiness. I feel very happy when I run. I feel fortunate, lucky and kind of ridiculous for thinking that way. Every time my foot hits the ground I get reminded of last year’s escapades. I still tape my foot and have another lump that makes it somewhat painful, at least the first mile or two, before my mind wanders off. But it’s good to be reminded every once in a while that you are lucky, lucky to be out in the sun, lucky to be free to do whatever you want to. I sat on the dock for a while, watched birds dive, boats pass and a few lucky people glide by in kayaks. Beautiful weather and blue sky, quiet and an empty beach. The only thing I could think of today was that I can’t remember my grandfathers shoes. Really odd, I know, but it really makes me sad. I remember his regular shoes he wore with a suit or working and his boots he wore working outside. But I can’t remember his shoes he had on those happy mornings we spent outside counting tiny, newborn calves, drinking coffee leaning against a sunny wall. Walking in the woods, holding his hand and listening to a story I had heard many times before. Very happy moments.

I’ve been thinking about the word happiness and why and how some people are jumping around on clouds with a constant grin on their face. That’s not all true but I have been thinking of sources of happiness and how you come to that stage in your life when you feel content. And happy. I’ve realized that it has to do with a few different factors and to get the feeling “good enough” and at the same time “this is it”. The new sad trend of perfect health and looks/crazy performance/pursuit of happiness is a totally different thing that I am thinking even more of, but that is another story.

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and attitude. – Denis Witley

Living with grace, I love that expression. Grace is a great word. (I would translate grace to ynnest in Swedish, that’s even a better word.) And attitude, magic, love it.

So I am going to try to summarize happiness, wrap it up in a few smart sentences. So this is what I think about what makes us happy. (The only thing that makes me unhappy at this moment is writing in English. But sometimes you have to do things that makes you uncomfortable.)

Relationships Love and/or friendship, that you have people in your life that you care about and that care about you. Allow yourself to be close to people and open up. And situations when you interact with people, a social presence. Connections with people that make you laugh, challenge your mind, tease you a bit, make you feel relaxed, shoot you a smile when you least expect it, a helping hand, a hug. Open a door for you, send you a text, a surprise call, a cup of coffee in the sun and a nice conversation. Share a meal with interesting people. The small things that reminds you of the important things. It’s all those small things that comes together and come alive. Some people in our life really touches you and sometimes it’s impossible to know why. Consider yourself lucky when you meet and interact with people you like.

All the small things. I know work means everything to a lot of people but you need more. Work-life balance has been around for a while and it feels a bit worn out. But it is important that you do things outside work and take that time. All the small details. See friends, spend time outside, read, cook, eat, try new things, travel, go to concerts, be present. That means that you are part of something bigger. Your life touches other peoples life’s. What more can you ask for.

Grateful. Be grateful for what you got. Look around. You are fortunate. Positive thinking.

Money. It would make life so much easier if you didn’t have to worry about money. But when you have all you need and a bit more think of what’s important. I would definitely choose to spend my money on having friends over for a nice dinner instead of a new pair of shoes. Or experience something with people I care about. Think of what’s important and makes a difference.

Goals. For me this is so important, I feel empty without a goal. It gives me a meaning to push forward but I appreciate that we all are different and have different goals. Challenge yourself, try your limits, live a little uncomfortable. It’s not always the easiest way to the destination that makes us happy. Sometimes it is the difficult way, the rocky journey that gives us the most even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.

Exercise and movement. You are probably tired of hearing this from me but it’s so important. When you run or move your body you set “happy hormones” free, endorphins. That means that you feel better, more happy and that makes us all healthier. If you are healthy your body likes you and you probably appreciate your body more. Confidence, health, good mood, blood pressure… And try to get enough sleep and eat well.

Spend time alone. Read, listen to music, nap, think, hit 100 golf balls, run, walk. Be comfortable to spent time by yourself. You can’t expect people to be there to make you happy, you need to be content enough to make yourself happy.

It’s been a heck of a week and I am pretty happy it’s over. I’ve logged lots and lots of miles on my car. Time to start a new fresh one. I ended the week with the big lung death, a visit at Urgent Care. I started shaking late Thursday night after I got back from the gym, got a really high fever, took a bath and decided to sleep it off. It didn’t go that well. I got the garbage out Friday morning at 6am. Our neighbors must love me. 200 yards that felt like 2 miles, one garbage can at the time. It felt like I dragged 500lbs so I kind of guessed that something was wrong. J was up all night trying to catch up on school and left really early before breakfast. I took C and S to school and went straight to the doctor. And as always when you sit there… maybe I am fine…? I might just need some sleep? I mentioned a pressure over my chest and ohhh my, legs moved faaast. Tried to explain that my shoulder was still hurting after the dislocation and it’s been impossible to lift weights. X-ray and meds. A very surprising sinus infection and a double sided pneumonia. But good thing it’s not my shoulder as I thought. And apparently I have enormous lungs, what a great compliment. How is it even possible to get so sick in such a short time? And why does it always happen when I am home alone with the kids? Well, it’s all better now after two days of lots of pills. And the show must go on. I even went to work today. The poor kids had to deal with the teacher from the not so sunny side.

It’s March Mayhem at the CrossFit gym. I got paired up with an excellent woman that I don’t really know and we are now competing together for a month. Let me just say, we seem to be a great match. We want to win! And we did amazing the first week. If you feel like trying out our place please let me know. I would love bring you as a guest. Eah, I need the points. It’s an outstanding place, friendly people, great coaches. Give me a call. And you get to spend an hour with moi.

Yesterday marked 6 months since our friend Ross passed away. Ross’ amazingly strong mom met up at Vertical World for a nice gathering and a balloon send off before it got dark. A beautiful way to keep in touch and stay connected to Ross. Missed by so many. Every day. Lots of hugs and tears again.

Little S had a full day tournament today and it went really well. She came back home and crashed. We are trying to shake her up a bit and get some dinner in her tummy. And I have great expectations, dinner seems really fine. Chicken souvlaki on the barbie, a nice salad with feta and olives, red rice, tzatziki (and some roasted potatoes just in case, I am not 100% sure about the red rice.) And broccoli, I have a kid that feels like she needs broccoli every day. Weird, yes, but that’s the way it is. And some fresh pineapple.

So let’s start a new week. Let’s try hard without trying too hard. Let’s shift perspective and mentality and do some good work. When you know better do better. And kick some ass.

Happy Monday

Like a TB patient at a health resort on a mountaintop in neutral Switzerland 60 years ago I am all bundled up in blankets sitting outside in a lawn chair squeaking to the sun. Getting air in my lungs and sun on my winter pale body. I am terrified that I will get the flu the kids all been sharing with each other and that ended in a bad pneumonia. And I decided that I will freeze away all the bacteria’s. After dragging the lawn mower out from the garage this weekend I decided that it is spring and almost summer. I mowed the lawn and started pulling weeds. Planted a couple of flowers and that’s about it. I am doing the best I can to heat up my blueish white skin but it’s not all that easy. The sun comes and goes, there are more clouds than blue parts of the sky and the sun is not really warm. But I think I can see one little freckle after hours outside. And it is of course really tough the get freckles if you have two big blankets wrapped around your body and wellies with fluff in on your feet. It’s cold but it’s March. I need sun. I don’t think I’ve ever been this pale, fat free milk colored, whiter than snow on Christmas. I feel squeaky, my joints makes noises and my hair looks more grey than ever. It’s not very attractive. I painted my nails blue to get the spring spirit. I am not sure it will help. I dragged the trainer and bike outside today and pretended that it was summer. Shorts and a top, music on and…no…freezing. Next time, more clothes.

Highlight of the day so far, a big bag of chia seeds upside down in in the pantry. I closed the door and is waiting for inspiration. Too bad I can see little black seeds outside of the door, so it’s just a matter of time… Yesterday was incredible fun for some. I had an incident at Starbucks. I saw what I thought was a friend’s car in the drive thru and parked my car and walked over. Instead of just knocking on the window I decided to do a little dance… and so I did. 8am. And I had my funkiest leopard tights on. I danced around the car, shaking and hopping, awesome moves. I even think I stretched out a bit on the hood. And sang a few tunes. After a while the car backs up a bit and turn in to a parking space and out walks an older couple. And it took them some time to get out from the car. I thought about running for my life but realized that I just had to swallow my pride and stay. I tried to explain but kind of gave it up. They thanked me for the dance, the great performance. And laughed. And I thanked my lucky star that older people usually don’t use phones for recording. We walked in together, ordered coffee, chatted a bit and took off to different directions. They even paid for my coffee. Well, good morning.

I want long summer nights, a glimpse of the ocean and a pretty view from a mountain top. And a salad made of avocados, black olives, sweet cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and lots of halloumi. A nice olive oil and balsamic. If you ever want to win my heart over give me a halloumi. Or roasted, warm beets. Or both. And olives.

 

I got injection #3 in my big toe Friday. A most excellent doctor got me numbed up and filled up my toe to size double. I am now waiting for the result. And after three weeks and two days the pain is almost gone. Think of all the fun things I am going to do. I am looking forward to it. I am thinking new shoes and boots. I also got treated to another ultrasound of my other foot while waiting for my foot to numb up. Tumors and cysts sucks. And my body seem to have a great collection. Last thing I collected was napkins from restaurants around Europe when I was around 8. This new collection is for sure more difficult and expensive.

I know it’s impossible to control everything in your life but there are a few things you actually can control for a better life. Your food and drink intake, vitamin D and oxygen and sleep. And of course the amount you exercise or just move.

So, what are the keys to a great healthy life? I do think I am pretty healthy over all. I live, laugh, eat, workout and rest. The most difficult part for me is rest. From time to time I have really big issues sleeping. I love napping during the day but that is really not enough. Bad sleeping habits really makes your overall performance and life slow down. This is nothing new, I had a bad period of sleeplessness years ago. Three kids under 4, constantly exhausted and still counting hours and sheep every night. After a while you get into panic mode and something changes. You know you are getting up to work at 6, and you are still not asleep at 3. I am waiting for the change. And the panic mode. It’s a bit different now when the kids are older and my work situation is different from 10-15 years back. Panic mode is very far away this time. But it sure is frustrating to wake up around 2 every night to watch the grass grow.

Food, people, is very important too. I am a believer. In food. Why is food such a difficult topic? You eat all the time and you need know what you put in your mouth. We discuss this all the time at home. And you are probably tired of reading about it again here. I would love to be a fly on the wall at our kids schools. I get some reports and I ask millions of questions. Pizza slices are apparently hot. So is nothing. Kind of scary. Surprisingly many start the day at Starbucks. They rather have a frappuccino and skip lunch to save on calories. Since my kids have gluten intolerance and a bunch of other allergies I have the opportunity to send cooked food every day. Hehe. Leftovers in a food thermos or an occasional sandwich and I can actually control what they put in their tummies for a few more years.

I also believe in sitting down at a table together as a family and eat a cooked meal every day. Yes, every day. Scary for some. That’s when the magic will happen. Or where do you talk?

Something have happened with my insta feed the last year. As always there are lots and lots of pictures of food. Apparently people like to take pictures of themselves and food. I’ll have to admit that I sometimes do too. People fill a plate with grilled chicken and some lettuce and call it a meal. And shoot a picture. Or even worse, make a chia pudding every day or a smoothie in a jar with a paper straw and take a picture. A salad can taste really good every once in a while but not every day. You don’t assemble food, you cook food. The process of cooking set vitamins and minerals free. You need to cook your vegetables, barbeque your meat with spices, make a roast, a stew, boil, roast… cutting up carrots and celery in pieces is not cooking. And all the hummus… yes, can be good as a snack but not every day. It’s like watching the same movie every day.

I have something against supplements and bars. I do eat an occasional bar as a snack, I drink electrolytes on long training days and races but to make this an everyday thing, I am not convinced. I do appreciate that great athletes that do a lot of training need extra protein etc but a regular person like me, no. I think what we all need is well cooked food, and a variety of foods from different food groups. A lot of people around here are on strict diets, lean meats and vegetables day in and day out. A few smoothies or shakes every day, same bars and the same type of food every night. How do you survive the boredom? Food should taste good and different every day, it should have a variety of colors, have different textures, different temperatures. Your digestive system needs to work and move inside. And it’s good for your body to digest different types of food. It’s good for your teeth too. I think it is possible to eat well without protein shakes and other supplements, and I also think it’s better for your body and for your overall health.

The food you eat stays in your system and affects you for a long time. You can’t just flush it out from your system with a simple cleanse. It’s a long time commitment and has no easy fix. That’s probably why short time weight loss fixes rarely work. If you need to change something, think long and slow. Think years. Change your habits. And as always, if you have kids, your habits will be their habits. Cook together, eat together. Make sure they know what food looks and smell like.

Oxygen and sunshine. I do appreciate that not all like running or can run but go outside and take a walk every day. We don’t have much sunshine around here during the darker months but at least try to breathe some fresh air.

And something completely different…

Browsing through the news, covering the Swedish newspapers and some news online. I have decided to skip all articles about violence today. And it’s not that I don’t care, I do, but I choose not to today. I am listening to Phil Collins. Not sure why, it just happened. Love songs that reminds me of the 80s. Sounds like I need to move on… Anyhow, even if I am not reading sad things today I ended up skimming a piece about running and dangers for women and men running alone. I actually forgot that feeling, the feeling of being scared when running by myself. I do feel a bit uncomfortable when I run at some places in Sweden. I am always jetlagged when I am there and usually end up running around 5 in the morning. It’s a bit sketchy and usually people are walking home after a long night at the pub. And I didn’t like running in Reno last month. Lots of loose dogs and interesting people. But here, never. I get a bit worked up about bears sometimes and cougars. Do I live in a false sense of security? How do you all feel around here walking or running? And I don’t count streets around Kirkland/Redmond, I mean trails around here, more remote. I parked in the back of the gym the other night and walked around by myself in the dark, no people around and no cars. I would never do that in Sweden but here, never even thought about it.

When you know better, do better.

My contribution to food pics and selfies found in my phone

Started yesterday with news, breakfast and cleaning my mailbox. What a great feeling when it’s down to zero, empty. And you turn around and it starts ticking again.

I drove to work in sunshine. Blue skies, calm waters and one heck of a beautiful mountain in the horizon. Seattle at its best. The kids started to roll in and we had a great day at school. Tired kids that slowly woke up and got their Swedish brains and words going. What a great group of kids. What is not to love with 6 year olds. And when you get 15 of them together something happens. And this is why I choose this job 100 years ago. Curiosity, never ending energy and open heartiness. At the same time they make your brain spin around and take leaps, you sometimes need to hold your breath for a second and think.

The sun was still out when I drove home, the mountain was still bright white and the lake crisp blue. After some food, coffee and kicking my feet up I was promised company for my run. I love spontaneous running company. Caroline got dressed and laced up. We shared the forest with horses and goats and had a really good time for about 6 slow miles. Lots of talking, mind twisting and body work.

After a quick shower, a trip to the grocery store and dinner prepping for the kids we were on our way to the city and a late concert with Doug Seegers. The guy who got famous on Swedish TV and has a magical voice. He is playing for full houses in Europe but here he is close to his small audience. We sat beside the stage, got to chat with him before and after the concert. What an awesome night. Add on good friends, a couple of beers and great music. What a perfect night, goes straight into your deepest.

It’s easy to get depressed when you bing or google getting older, age, etc. It tells you that your muscles starts to look flabby and your nervous system doesn’t react as fast as before. Eyes and ears change, and your heart people, changes. It doesn’t pump your blood as efficient as when you were young. But I actually think it feels more. Laughing, crying… it gets more overwhelming. A sedentary lifestyle make aging happen faster and women tend to age faster than men. What! I am not ready for muscle deterioration. I still want to wear tank tops and low cut dresses. I am not planning on having more kids but I realized the other day that it’s not cool anymore. I am over 40, it would not be fair to put anyone through that risk. But it feels a bit unfair. If I were a man I would have many more years to go. But it’s not all bad. Believe it or not, there are other things that actually gets better when you get older. A calmness comes over you and you don’t really care that much of what other people think. So what if you are a bit flabby and chubby. It’s not really worth worrying about. It could be worse. But some things actually get worse…

Technology gets complicated. I am not very savvy when it comes to new things. I am just not that interested. It’s kind of a necessary evil. I get all excited when I need a new phone or a new computer but I swear at the same time since I know I have to get everything to the new device. I am pretty much ready to throw my GPS watch into the wall. I love it when it works but my heart rate band broke months ago and I just can’t get myself to get a new one. And I am supposed to hook the watch up with the power meter on the bike, yes, absolutely. I have learned to run and trying to know my heart rate by feel. I am good, it works. The TV, ahhh, don’t get me started. I am all good as long as there is regular TV going on but Netflix, Amazon, DVD, Xbox… not that interested. We have 5 remotes! I let the kids change devices and I don’t really watch TV when I am by myself.

The moment of panic when you are shopping for clothes. It just came over me the other day when Sofia and I browsed around a few stores together. The clothes look good but no, not for me anymore. Short skirts and dresses screams bad taste when you are over 30. Cheap cotton tops and v necks, no. Bikinis, ahhh, not sure. I surprised myself by buying a dress at Macy’s, didn’t think that would happen anytime soon. Sofia bought really cute volley ball spandex and said that I could borrow those if I wanted to. Really sweet but NO!

The party is over people. Well, not over but it’s not worth it. Not every week. I rather buy one really nice bottle of wine or calvados then 10. And I get really excited about beautiful vegetables and a nice piece of meat. And some nice organic berries. If I get to shop for food at a farmers market in France, even better.

The surprise of entertainment, been there done that. It takes more and more to make me impressed. Well, Sting, Bruce, a nice opera and a casino in Monaco works every time.

I don’t care if you say that James Bond is outdated and Daniel Craig is old. Or Pierce Brosnan. I still think he is a hunk and he still looks young me. The kids think that Tom Cruise is old. What? I don’t understand. Men look better the older they get. Especially if they are in good shape. 

Sleep. I used to love sleeping in. Late nights, late mornings. Last month I’ve been waking up around 5am after 4-5 hours of sleep. Let me tell you, it doesn’t work. I am constantly tired and napping/listening to news or pods in the afternoon. What’s going on, is this a permanent thing? I don’t like it.

The newspaper gets interesting. I have always enjoyed reading the paper but now I really bug the kids by discussing the topics out loud. The world is a crazy place. Is this really the world we want to leave behind?

The older you get the less you are concerned by your appearance. It doesn’t seem to matter that much anymore. Those lines around your eyes are a sign of a good life with lots of laughs, right.

The sunrise gets more beautiful every year. It’s true. Gorgeous. And talking to strangers. So many nice people walking their dogs in the morning enjoying the same sunrise.  

And some excellent advise I picked up the last 40 years or so…

If you can’t carry it, you probably don’t need it.

You’re the boss of your own circumstance, so make good choices.

When given the opportunity, wear a costume.

Give lots of hugs to everyone you care for.

When frustrating things happen, keep them in perspective. It can’t be that bad.

Try to learn the rules of football. Or maybe not. No, I really don’t care.

Get oil changes on time; check the tire pressure, take care of your car.

Whimsy is essential.

See the beauty everywhere.

Allow yourself to be moved.

And don’t forget to wear your seatbelt.

Choose your battles.