I try to keep updated with media, newspapers, TV, books, blogs, radio, music in both Sweden and here in the US. It was easy the first years abroad. I checked the news every morning in both countries and around the world and felt pretty much up to date with most events. The years passed and new people started showing up in Swedish media and I felt kind of lost when I read the newspapers online. New faces, new names, new politicians, and new artists. And now a new prime minister. (Not very impressed.) Even the news anchors are new and very young. I still read Swedish newspapers but not every day. I watch one or two tv shows/year and I listen to Swedish music. But we stopped watching Eurovision 5-6 years ago. When I visit I get a big dose of all the Swedishness, I stock up on books and feel pretty happy for a while. But one thing I do is reading blogs. I follow some Swedish blogs about politics, food, marathons and ultrarunning, swimrun, multisport and over all training. I follow a handful school and teaching blogs too but that’s a totally different story (Sweden/USA, talk about different worlds). It’s interesting to read about what and how people think. How the world turns and not turns… I follow some bloggers that I have met, some that I are friends with, a few race directors and a few really amazing people. And I am very impressed how much time and thought a lot of bloggers spend writing and thinking. Amazing, and cheers to all of you. I think it’s refreshing that people want to share their lifes and stories. The only thing I don’t like in the blog world is the obsession about superfoods and diets.
What the heck is going on in your pantries people? I am the only one sick of chia seeds and goji berries? Yes, I do eat chia seeds, goji berries, nuts, ancient grains, blueberries, broccoli, greek yoghurt, olive oil, coconut oil, avocados etc. All the superfoods that people overdose and turn everything inside out. I read blogposts about chia pudding and porridge every single day and I am dead tired of it. We eat fish, meat, wheat, vegetables, quinoa… everything you can imagine. And I drink wine and sometimes a calvados after dinner. And I do love a margarita with salt. How long will this crazy phase of overdosing superfoods last, how long will you all have the time? And why? If you can enjoy a nice piece of bread, please do. And put some butter and cheese on it. I do. Why not? But don’t over do it. All you Swedish women in your late 30s and 40s, relax. A 100% chia, goji, almond milk and tofu diet will not make you happier. You all sound more stressed than ever. Chocolate mousse with avocado instead of whipped cream and butter is good but not super. And every once in a while you want the great stuff. Meat is great, not every day and not a pound at the time. Everything in moderation.
I have three beautiful daughters, young adults. I am always concerned, I am always happy around them, I am always curious, I am always proud… BUT I am always a little bit worried. As a mom to young women you want them to have and build a good relationship to food, training and their bodies. You want your kids to be happy, confident and curious. I don’t want them to pick up all the craziness around us. Please people, stop sprinkle your non real ice cream with chia seeds and pretend it tastes like chocolate. Maybe have a little bit of both? And dream and wish for a set of wings.
Jag sitter i soffan med en karta i handen och försöker summera helgens äventyr. Kikar från ö till ö, över vatten och konturerna över land. Återigen har jag fått uppleva magnifk natur och äventyr i kombination med utmattning och tidspress. Jag är så tacksam och så nöjd så här på söndags eftermiddagen när det börjar bli dags att fundera på söndagssteken och morgondagen. Tacksam att jag blivit meddragen i galna äventyr och att jag fått möjligheten att få vara med och försöka hänga med proffsen. Nöjd på det sättet man blir när man tagit ut sig och kroppen gått in i vilomode. Jag är också otroligt nöjd över vår placering och att jag kommit hem med alla armar och ben i behåll den här gången, några få blåmärken är det enda jag kan hitta på kroppen som dessutom känns väldigt hel och smärtfri. Riktig bonus.
Helgens lopp var ett 12 timmars adventure race i ö miljö, ganska tuff natur och havspaddling som jag inte är så van vid. Som vanligt har man inte en aning om vad som ska hända innan incheckningen några minuter före start. Man kan gissa utifrån materiallistan ungefär vad som ska hända. Och man kan studera kartan runt incheckningsområdet och en lång radie runt. Sen blir det en överraskning.
Kampen mot klockan började redan under fredag eftermiddag när vi skull ta oss till färjan i Anacortes. Trafiken var helt galen, vägarbeten och helgtrafik. Stau. Bumper to bumper. Långsamt rull. Panikläge i bilen, blodsockerfall och kaftig hunger. Vi tog oss fram i snigelfart och parkerade vid färjeterminalen. Någonstans i kön satt vår lagkamrat som tagit sig upp vid lunchtid, för närmare 7 timmar sedan och hade sedan dess suttit i färjekön. Vi rullade in våra cyklar mellan bilarna, hittade rätt bil, hakade på cyklarna bakpå och gled in i baksätet. Kungligt gjort men kändes lite som om vi fuskade. Vi rullade så småningom på färjan och åkte ut mot det mörka havet och mot Orcas. Väl av färjan stannade vi på byns bästa hak och åt ostron, bläckfisk och crabcakes. Perfekt uppladdning. Något sent dock, middag vid 21.30 och sedan incheckning, ompackning i transition lådor och förberedelse inför morgondagen. Men vem behöver egentligen mer än 3-4 timmars sömn. Vi konstaterade att vi var en cykelhjälm kort. Vårt excellenta supportcrew skulle fixa det under förmiddagen innan cykeldelen.
Klockan ringde 04.10 och det blev full fart i huset direkt. Kläder på, mat i magen på stående fot och sedan ut med cyklarna från vardagsrummet och upp på bilen igen. Jag marcherade ut och var så fokuserad att jag missade att jag rullade förbi en stor hjort en meter åt höger.
Sedan rullade det på, incheckning, avlastning på nästa ställe, provsittning av kajak, avlämning av flytvästar, paddlar osv. Och sen tillbaka till starten, genomgång av regler, kartutdelning, toabesök och pang så gick starten. Vi sprang iväg i klunga ett par kilometer mot havet, i kajakerna och så ut mot evigheten. Dimman låg tung. 10 meter ut så såg vi inte någon eller något. Vi hörde någon motorbåt långt bort, mistlurar som tutade. Killarna navigerade i blindo med kompass. Vi paddlade mot Canada och vi visste att vi skulle ca 3 miles norr över till Sucia Island. Vi kom fram och började beta av alla kajak checkpoints vilket innebar ett varv runt hela ön. Kallt, dimmigt, magiskt. Vi hade sällskap av sälar och delfiner runt kajaken. Nyfikna huvuden stack upp ur det kalla vattnet och dök i lite lojt. Efter närmare 2 timmar klev vi upp på land och skakade ur benen, hakade på ryggsäckarna och började springa. Vår strålande navigatör fick kraftig kramp i båda benen och vi ägnade oss åt att försöka få i honom mat, salt och dryck. Vi gick och sprang länge, runt tre timmar och avverkade 14 checkpoints och vi täckte in hela ön. Redan efter några minuter hörde vi något som pyste på sidan av stigen och havskanten. Tre stora valar bjöd på en titt och vi sprang nöjt vidare. Timmarna gick och vi knatade på. När vi hade en checkpoint kvar sprang vi på rad på en stig längs vattnet. Mitt framför mina fötter täcks stigen av 8-10 skrikande, halvblöta, bruna djur som jag först identifierade som vildsvin. 3 sekunder senare när jag backat och dragit mig närmare en av killarna (jag blev skräckslagen och fick maxpuls på en halv sekund) inser jag att det är en grupp havsuttrar. Livrädda havsuttrar. Vilket oväsen. För första gången önskade vi att vi hade en GoPro så detta hade komit med på film. Efter att jag backat och alla vettskrämda uttrar tippat ner över kanten ner mot vattnet. De föll, rullade och skuttade om vartannat rakt nerför och tog sig i havet. När vi sedan sprang vidare såg vi ett antal utterögon som följde oss längs kanten runt hela udden. Arga utterögon.
Vi lämnade till slut ön och paddlade ut i dimman igen mot Orcas. Det kändes långt, dimman låg tät och vi började bli något trötta. Min plan var att dricka två flaskor på den turen vilket inte hände, vi bara tryckte på och paddlade. Väl i land bytte vi ut alla blöta kläder och satte oss på cyklarna och trampade vidare. Innan vi åkte fick jag hjälp att sätta på mig en tröja och ett par handskar och jag kan inte riktigt minnas om jag var kall eller stel. Redan då borde jag förstått att jag gjort något fel.
Vi tog alla checkpoints inne i stan innan vi började den långa kälttringen upp mot Moran State Park och Mt Constitution. Ungefär 30 minuter in i cyklingen gav mina ben upp. Stel efter 6 timmar av paddling och löpning trodde jag. Det var bara att fortsätta sakta upp och över ön, kilometer efter kilometer. Vi tog oss till berget och började den långsamma cykelklättringen uppför. Då kom väggen, helt uppmurad i pannbenet och benen kunde inte ta ett steg. Total urvattning, jag hade inte druckigt tillräckligt. Det var så brant att vi var tvungna att dra cyklarna uppför i lite mer än en timme. Jag gick och ältade kansiga tankar. Försökte summera mat och vätska. Bakom mig hörde jag att de diskuterade mitt vätskeintag. Det var bara att bita ihop och gå, det är så det funkar. Och konstigt nog så funkar det. Benen rör sig även om man tror att det inte går. Jag gav mig själv 30 minuter att vätska upp mig. Vattnet tog slut och killarna höll sig i närheten och tvångsvätskade mig. Snälla hintar om ”nu trycker du för f*n i dig”. Vi kom upp till toppen av berget och hade fin singletrack runt och ner för hela berget. Jag kunde helt plötsligt meddela killarna att, I’m back! Jag kände mig på topp igen och solen kom fram. Mjuka stigar som rullade ner, härliga drops och grön skog. Vi rundade toppsjöarna, Twin Lakes och for fort ner, så fort har jag nog aldrig cyklat. Och vi kom i mål efter att ha cyklat i närmare 3,5 timme. Vi blev slagna av en solo tävlare som vi tror var övermänsklig, vi såg aldrig skuggan av honom ens men vi hade ett långt glapp till tredje laget.
Vi haltade tillbaka till huset, spolade av oss, satte oss i hot tuben, bytte kläder, packade och tog oss till färjan. Sträckte ut oss på varsin bänk och granskade kartan ännu en gång. Hasade mot bilen och körde 1,5 timme hem i natten. Laddade om och gick till svenska skolan och hade lektion imorse. Livet är på topp.
Summan av kardemumman, attans vilken trevlig helg. Vilken upplevelse, vilken natur. Jag lär mig så mycket varje gång jag hänger med grabbarna på upplevelsetävling. Jag känner fortfarande som om jag inte bidrar så mycket till laget men det blir lite bättre varje gång. Navigering på cykel känns som en omöjlighet men det går framåt. Tipp topp! Nu är det söndag och jag är vrålhungrig. Kroppen känns tom på mat och dryck och nu blir det påfyllning. Imorgon är det måndag, då är det omladdning och ny vecka.
Pushed around sleds on the turf yesterday and felt nauseous. A lot. Not quite like me. I can usually torture myself for hours before the nausea kicks in. I never feel sick. Tired yes, but not sick. My body runs on coffee, cinnamon buns and bananas. The only thing I don’t like is gels. It takes a gallon of water to rinse down one little packet of Gu. And I would rather run on empty for hours before I force myself to eat one. So, I tried to figure out what was wrong. A prowler with two plates, some presses, rows… and double unders. Nothing difficult. What the heck? And then I realized what I ate before I went to the gym. Honey Smacks with milk. Yes, Honey Smacks or Kalaspuffar in Swedish. Sometimes I really surprise myself. Who eats Honey Smacks? I picked up groceries earlier. Lots of fruit, veggies, bacon, eggs, yoghurt… and got a bit stuck at the cereal aisle. Looking for new gluten free options for the kids. And bang, there it was. Honey Smacks. A nice red box loaded with wheat and sugar. A nice snack from early 1978. It was my dream when I was 6. I eat cereal maybe once every six months. And today I loaded one big (read huge) bowl of Honey Smacks for a second breakfast at 10. A nice bowl of sugar and wheat. Good choice. The thing is that I think one portion is about half a cup, I did not eat half of a cup. More like 2 cups. Since all three kids are gluten and dairy intolerant I don’t eat very much gluten and the only milk I have is a splash in my coffee and some ice cream every now and then. I eat crisp bread every morning, a few cinnamon buns every week, that’s about it. I have a whole box of Honey Smacks left and I know that it will be hard to resist. High quality food, Honey Smacks! And am I looking forward to that second breakfast?? All those good choices.
It’s been a week since last and it’s been a good week. A little bit of everything. Food, drinks, sun, swimming in the lake… a week of recovery. I read a few books and watched 4 seasons of White Collar. We are obsessed. Who doesn’t love Neal Caffrey/Nick Halden/Matt Bomer?
I’ve been tired in a jetlag kind of way. A long race gets to you one way or another. Yes, I am admitting that I am tired, sore, done and I write this only because I don’t think my teammates will read this. It’s one thing to feel tired but it’s another thing to admit it. Last week I found myself falling asleep everywhere. Not because of any time difference or traveling to a faraway continent, my Skalman clock just said sleep every other hour. Sitting comfortable, leaning against a wall or laying down and I woke up 2 hours later drooling. Not pretty. It’s part of that post race depression that happens every time I do something grande. It doesn’t matter how good or bad it’s been, I always feel like running a 100 miler, bike up the Himalayas or sail to another continent (and I don’t know how to sail). It usually passes before I sign up for something stupid but the uneasy feeling stays for a few weeks. The feeling of I have no life and nothing is fun. Along with listening to very strange music and baking a lot of cinnamon buns. But it’s all better now, I got my bike in for a tune up yesterday. New brake pads and some TLC. The bike-guy with the very large earrings asked if I drowned my bike in water and rolled it in sand. I sure did, 30something river crossings and a sandy trail to finish it off. He thought I was kidding.
I forced myself to get out on the bike a few times last week and took a few classes at the gym with a taped up foot and the left arm dangling by my side. I gave in and got an x-ray of my foot (old fracture, lots and lots of oldladyritis and swelling). And I ended up in physical therapy again, trying to wake up my elbow and hand that seems to have died the big nerve death again. I so wish I was 25. Or maybe not.
Got a message from a friend far away and got a very flattering invitation for a 24+ in Europe in a few weeks. I had to say no but it sure boosted my confidence and I made plans in my head. (And if you read this, call me again next year! I would love the challenge, it sounds amazing.)
After a week of resting my foot I went out on the trails today. A short hour run on a soft trail, gravel, railroad tracks and grey skies. I was minding my own business and listened to a Husky podcast, an interview with Freddie Meadows (Swedish surfer) when a deer stepped out blocking my way. He took a few steps and stopped a few yards from me and turned his head. Well, hello there. I stopped and got my headphones out and asked if he felt like moving. I’ve meet a lot of deer but they usually keep moving, this one wanted company. I thought if it was a good idea to pass him, and if so is it safe to go behind him. I’ve never heard if kicking deer but you never know. He didn’t move an inch until I reached out and touched him. End of story, I kept running, he stood there looking bored waiting for another runner to bug. So, watch out for the deer beside the Willows golf course beside the water. He is one friendly guy. So the question is, how do you pass a deer without getting trampled?
Saturday morning at 4.45 I found myself sitting on the side of the tub in the bathroom checking Instagram really quick before I got dressed. I saw pictures of painted toenails on beaches, beer bottles in hands, beautiful vacation houses and smiling people. A normal Saturday around the world. I tried to get ready for a +24 hours adventure race. Is that even possible? I brushed my teeth, put sunscreen on and took a couple of deep breaths. I had breakfast and scrambled through the newspapers and got picked up about an hour later. We left for Roslyn, WA. The first time I heard of Roslyn (population ca 875) was when I lived in Leuven, Belgium ’94 and attended KU Leuven. I made a few American friends who came from Roslyn and Seattle. I remember they showed me the map over Washington and pointed it out. In the middle of nowhere, far out there and nothing around. They told me the show Northern Exposure (90-95) was filmed there and I knew exactly what they were talking about. Large moose, lots of bears, a quaint bar and genuine people. Nice place.
We got ready, checked in, changed, drank a few bottles, had a banana and a bar, got the maps, checked the bags, packed the last stuff, got our transition bin ready… And I really had no clue. Didn’t know what to expect, didn’t know what to put in the bin. How does +24 hours feel? Will I fall asleep standing, sitting on the bike? Will I ruin the race for the guys? Will my body stop working? How do you know?
10am and we are off. It’s hot. Two checkpoints down and I don’t get any air. My left hand burns and my heart rate is so high it feels like my heart will stop working. My fingernails turned purple and I got off the bike and had to lay down. The guys stopped and my poor teammates looked puzzled. It’s not looking good, 30 minutes in to a very long race and she cracks. Overheated? We start walking and we walk with our bikes for a long time. I cool down and we start over. Lots of time passed and we should have been going faster. I don’t know how much time we lost, 20 min, 1hour, 2hours… it felt like a long time.
The race was divided into 5 chunks with 4 transitions (bike/trek/bike/trek/bike). The first was a very long bike section. We knew it was going to take time but it took a lot longer than I expected. The first hours felt like a blur, I can’t really remember what happened. We started walking with our bikes, basically hiking with a lot of extra weight. Pushing our bikes, walking on rocks with big drops beside us trying not to fall. It was hot. Sweat was dripping from random body parts. 3 hours and 15 minutes in it started hailing. It was popping down on our helmets, making funny noises. Got on the bike for 20 meters and off and over a river, pushed it up, up, up and got on for 30 seconds. Don’t look down. Don’t fall. Don’t walk too close to the edge. It rains a little and we hear thunder every now and then. Crossed the river again, again, again. Up, up, up, pushing the bike, checkpoint after checkpoint. The only think I could think was:
We all ran out of water when we had a few hours left. I emptied 5l of water really fast. Hot weather and no water, kind of a nightmare. I felt like the raisin version of myself, started to crumble up and could only think of the blackberry lemonade I made a few days ago. Or a cold beer. We crossed another river and filled up our bottles. I am too tired to dig out my iodine tablets from the bottom of my pack and decide to drink little sips and filter away the dirt with my teeth. How bad can it be? We are in the middle of a huge national park, no people, lots of animals and the water looks clear. And I found a nötcreme in the bag on the bike. What a treat. Next time I am going to have my parents send over Dextrosol and Nötcreme. Huge amounts.
I remember checking the time and thinking that I had pushed my bike uphill for more than 2 marathons. The last miles of a marathon usually feel pretty hard, the legs start to cramp a little bit and the body feels done. When you run a longer run/race you usually have plenty of time to regret your decision, curse and doubt your ability to finish. At least that is how I work. I did not think once that I couldn’t do this. It really sucked, it was not fun at all but I didn’t think, just walked. And ate and drank when I walked. More than 11 hours passed. A long day mostly bike hiking up mountains.
We got in to transition and filled up new water. 5 new fresh liters. Changed in to dry clothes and packed the pockets with more food. Ate a sandwich. I took off my shoes and socks and looked at my feet. Purple? Rotten? I count my nails, all there and with a turquoise polish. Looks very odd in the middle of the forest. Wet shoes for a day makes your feet really pretty. Dry socks and shoes feels like a treat. I sit on the ground and I can’t bother to go hide somewhere to change. (Really apologize for not being very modest guys). 10 minutes and we are on our way. It’s dark, our headlights are on and we are walking. It feels great. I am not tired. We are hiking up , up, up looking for new checkpoints. I am really impressed with Robins navigation. It is pitch-dark, in the middle of the night, we are on top of a mountain and he is spot on. All the time. And cycle on a trail, read a map and eat at the same time.
We spent hours wading through water that was full of crayfish and a gorgeous red water snake and the dry shoes and socks is a thing of the past. It’s dark, the temperature feels so much better. We walk the whole night, waiting for the sun that never shows up. It’s a long night looking for reflective bands/checkpoints. We are on the top of a mountain again looking for a cave, climbing boulders, shuffles around, climbing big trees that fell years ago. Trying to hold on to branches so I don’t slide down the hillside. My hands are full of thorns and I don’t really care. The mani-pedi last week was money well spent. We run out of water again. It’s mixed feelings, the pack is getting lighter when you drink but it’s a scary feeling to run dry. My body is really beat up. My left foot is swollen and is constantly pounding after a wrong step a few hours into the race. I have bruises and scrapes all over. My legs look like ground meat, dripping blood from a few spots, covered with dirt. I have a bad cut on my wrist from sliding down a cliff. Looks a bit suicidal. My left hand is completely numb, very convenient since I can’t feel if I am holding on to rosebushes with thorns. I am starting to think of things that are worse than climbing over sharp objects on a hillside. I can think of lot of things and it really helps. Watching a burlesque show, jump out of a plane, carry my bike and climb at the same time, eat crickets… I am in a long-term relationship with my brain, trying to stay focused.
Back on our bikes and I lost track of time. It’s getting lighter and the sun starts to show. It’s going to be a hot day. We move, we bike and we push our bikes. The view is gorgeous, we are 6000ft up and on top of the world. The trails are full of sand, big boulders and logs. A bit technical for me and the guys slow down. We keep on moving, walking our bikes, carrying our bikes, falling, walking… Hours pass and I am not tired. My body feels a bit slower but my mind is still there. I actually enjoy the day. This is great and I don’t want it to end.
And we came in for a third transition, starting to run out of time before the cut off. And we get a big welcome from Rick and Jen. So nice. We take off for a short trek. I feel extremely tired for the first time. It’s hot, around 35. The skin burns, there are no shade and the cloths are once again sticking to my body. I smell, my hair stinks and a cold shower would feel great. Where is that river when you need it. And 26 hours something and we race through transition again and are on the last part of the race. We need to make it to Roslyn before 4pm, before the cut off. We hear in transition that most of the teams went back and didn’t finish the checkpoints. Apparently it’s been a tough race. I don’t know since it’s my first +24h adventure race and have nothing to compare with. I am just surprised that time went by fast. And I am still awake.
We have one more bike hike before the finish. 1500ft, trails with deep sand and the sun is extreme. One step up and two down. We never seem to finish the bike hike, we will never reach the top. When you think you are there another hill shows up behind the trees. We finally made it but it took forever. We bike over the ridge and keep moving. Sinking in sand, broiling in the sun. We saw a random black cow standing in the heat in the middle of nothing.
The last part back to Roslyn is a nice single track down the mountain. We enter a bike park with two different paths. My nightmare. I don’t like this at all. I am tired, I can’t focus. If I look to the right, I turn to the right. It’s been a long race. Instead of just go and try to focus, I start slowing down, breaking too much. And I fall. I hit my previous broken elbow really hard and swear. Up again and trying to catch up. Josh is the nicest guy you can imagine, tells me to take it slow, walk if I need to. I am bubbling inside, angry, disappointed that I am such a coward. The guys walk through parts of it and that makes me even more mad since it’s my fault. Just go, don’t wait for me. Down on a trail and found the last checkpoint and I can’t say the word cottonwood. I am tired, I am done, I can’t move my lips. One mile left. ½ mile left. For the first time I feel so tired that I can barely move my legs. Robin tells me to bike like someone is chasing me. And we are done. Finished. Finito. I mål. 29 hours and 44 minutes of constant movement. That’s a long workout. And I thought when we reached Roslyn again it would feel like a super happy moment.
But it felt more like
I am not going to lie to you, it was a long day, night and day. The 24 hour race spilled over to the next day and became close to 30 hours. It’s a long time. Constant movement for 30 hours. Long time. Getting myself in to this I thought not sleeping for 30 something hours would be the biggest problem. Eating and drinking is what’s important, all the time. And keep moving.
Figuring how to get out of unpacking boxes. It’s difficult to unpack when you don’t have closets to hide stuff in. Five people have lots of unnecessary things and we don’t seem to have enough space. It doesn’t really matter much space you have. I throw away things and other people get it back from the garbage, old posters, stuffed animals, toys no one used since we moved last time five years ago. I see a trip to IKEA in the near future to get some new furniture.
Brjann and I got out of the house early yesterday left the kids sleeping half of the day. The kids spent the day at home, catching up on homework and sleep. I saw traces of waffle making and some kind of baking with chocolate chips when I got home last night. It’s a good feeling to know that they can get around on their own, in their own little car when their parents are doing fun stuff. I spent the night trying to pretend that I watched a move. I felt so tired I completely zoned out after dinner.
Brjann took a coaching clinic at UW for a few days and seem to have had a really good weekend. Lots of good coaches from around the country.
I went to Teanaway in Eastern Washington over the day biking with the guys. I had an excellent day, nice and sunny. Unusual amount of snow to be the second half of May. Lots and lots of snow. After unloading the bikes and slowly heading up closer to the sky we met a few people prepping their skis, helmets and backpacks heading up the same way as us. Not a good sign. After getting off and on the bikes, walking over snow we decided to turn around and hit the lower trails. We got around 5 hours of biking in, some really nice trails, a few refreshing streams to cross and a few muddy parts to get over.
Beautiful surroundings, gorgeous views and another kind of scenery compared from our side of the state. Dark mountains, deep forests, sometimes dry and dusty trails and green open meadows, wildflowers, a little bit of everything.
I am pretty sure I saw something that looked like wolfs both on the way up and down the last trail of the day. A few, fury, grey doglike animals resting in the sun looking our way. We passed a few deer and for a split second I thought one of them would jump out on the gravel road while I practiced not using my breaks downhill (after Robin told me very nicely to let go of my breaks). A really nice day and good company. Lots of huffing, puffing and sweating from the woman on the BMC bike in the back. And I can’t decide what I need to work on the most, climbing uphill without losing my breath or letting go of the break downhill. It’s getting better… My legs look like I’ve run in a forest of blackberries and nettles. This is not the week to wear nice dresses and skirts.
Sitting back, leg up and checking emails. It’s complicated. I got a new computer again. I picked up my old one from the floor the other day and heard a little pop and the screen cracked. Like pop rocks. A very silent but crisp pop. The touch screen got nuts. Just like that. So here I am with a new wonder. A bit smaller but with a better keyboard. All good. The problem is always the clicking thingy before you get used to it and my emails are getting sent and trashed before I even have time to blink. It’s a big problem. I have to ask the kids to come and help every time I need to do a right click. Very frustrating and I see an exchange in the near future.
I am having s bit of a problem with my imagination when it comes to food. I need new insights, new dishes to prepare, fast and easy. Or maybe take out. The last couple of days have not been fun, and too meaty. This is how the week started. Sunday, stew w beef, parsnip, celery root, mushrooms, bacon etc and lots of wine and parsley. Monday, gluten free pasta and Bolognese with beef/celery root… (lots of leftovers for a lasagna next week) Tuesday hamburgers, lots of veggies and fresh corn on the cob. Wednesday turkey balls w chili and parsley and quinoasallad, cauliflower, broccoli, avocado and yogurt sauce. Please help! Food is getting more and more boring around here and it somehow tastes the same every day. Needs to be gluten free and very little dairy, nut free, soy free and also tomato and carrot free. And no fruit except from blueberries and raspberries. Easy, right. And I need left overs for the food thermoses for school the day after since sandwiches doesn’t really count as food around here. Gluten free bread is not very yummy either. Our go to chicken w parma and fresh thymes happens too often and fajitas and tacos too. What do you eat? Every day kind of food?
My leg is doing great. Difficult to believe it’s only been a little more than week since surgery. The crutches have found their way back to the garage waiting for another adventure. I am a bit wobbly but I can feel my toes for the first time in a while. It will be very nice to leave this whole thing behind me and look for new adventures in the future. Got a nice strength work out in today and ran for 15 minutes. I even made some new friends at the gym. Older guys with old race t’s that had washed out letters and years from a long time back. The good old years. Probably even before I was born. Good times. The insight of today, my left elbow is still very weak from the stupid bike crash that happened over a year ago. So, I got some tape and made it more stable. Easy fix. Pink tape. You can fix anything with good tape. What’s next? I’ve got two good knees and all my teeth so I have all the reasons to be happy. But then I realize that I am just a regular person that shouldn’t care so much about how heavy I can lift with my arms. I should definitely think more about my work emails and not how many kilos I can lift or how many miles I can cram in this week on a wobbly leg. Perspective. If you don’t believe in karma or life after this, just wait and see what happens in your next life. No rush.
I ran 15 minutes today. My favorite time is 90-120 minutes for a regular everyday slow run. Warm up, a nice podcast to listen to, a few songs and bam, 120 minutes passed. Silence works pretty well for 120 minutes too. But I must admit that 15 minutes felt pretty good. If I add 5 minutes every day that means that I will be back in my regular routine in about two weeks. And I can probably run an ultra 2017 or maybe in the next century. And that would be easy if that’s the way it works. Every other day and a slow build will work too. Anything works as long as I can move my body forward outside. I’ll take rain or even some hail.
I am going to bed, laying my head down on my best pillow. And if I wake up because of all the barking frogs outside I am not going to get annoyed. I am just going to feel happiness in my heart for all the beautiful creatures around me. And that spring is on its way. Yup, that’s how I am going to feel. Patience. That’s my new thing.
So here we go. A short update to all of you at the same time.
Can’t remember when I first felt pain in my leg. I recall a painful massage a year and a half ago, and I think that was the first time a felt the lump. I’ve tried everything, physical therapy, massages, baths with Epsom salt, heat, cold… nothing really worked. I tried to stay off my feet, rest from running but it really didn’t make it better. I started to get wobbly and fall when I was running. My foot dropped a bit when I got tired and my hill runs got complicated. I finally saw a doctor that sent me to a neurosurgeon and did a long MRI 6 weeks ago and many more MRIs and EMGs after that. My diffuse leg pain that I thought was overuse, oldladyrities, stress fracture, pinched nerve, etc. was a pretty large nerve tumor that grew around the nerve and cut off the function. My foot started to hurt really badly and the last month has been a long wait to get this treated.
I had surgery today. With no expectations at all. The plan was to get in there and check it out, remove as much as they could without damaging the nerve and then close it up. And then radiation to shrink it when the scar was healed. Not touching the nerve so the foot would drop since that is not fixable. And I still have a lot of runs and rides to do. And a life to live.
My alarm was set at 4am. It almost felt like I was headed out for a run this morning. Sweatpants, tank top, running shirt and my fastest running shoes. Fast as lightning, red as fire. And lucky socks!
It took hours before I finally got ready. I got hooked up, squeezed, poked, and warmed up. I am a breakfast person. If I run at 5 in morning I still eat breakfast before. I started to see bagels, bananas, smell coffee, yogurt and crunchy topping. But I got a whole lot of yummy stuff in my IV. They had me wrapped up in an air blanket hooked to a reversed vacuum. All smiles and happy faces. And the show was about to start.
The excellent surgeon showed up and looked all happy and well rested. I’ve seen him a few times now and felt really happy to see a familiar face. He said he changed his game plan a bit during the past days and wanted me to stay awake for a while and wiggle my toes while trying to separate the tumor from the nerve. He thought that would give him a better chance to separate the nerve from the tumor with out any damage. He said see you in a few hours to Brjann and then we rolled away. What an amazing room. TV screens and a huge microscope hanging over the bed. And it all started. I was hooked up and somehow got all involved in my numbers on the screen. It was like a super amazing Garmin. The anesthesiologist must have been so annoyed with me and probably wanted me to sleep after millions of questions in a mix of English/Swedish/sleep talk. I got instructions to wiggle my toes, curl the big toe, move my foot… and it went on forever. And after a little while the pain got unbearable. It felt like I was on my way flying through the roof, sweating, freezing, heart rate raising, blood pressure dropping, curling my toe and trying to not kick the guys around the table. All smiling faces and nice voices and I tried the best I could. I took a peek at the big screen and saw the whole thing opened up. Amazing. They let me sleep after 3 hours and I woke up in a different room with a new smiling face beside my bed. Apparently I woke up as soon as they rolled me out and told them I was ready to go home. An easy 2 hour surgery that turned into a 4 hour session. Then the ice eating started and I asked for a Sprite and got a Shasta Twist. I started crying. I wanted a Diet Sprite. Very mature. I checked it to an amazing place this morning and got gold star treatment all day. Couldn’t ask for better care.
I am back home and haven’t moved from my corner since I sat down. Skyped with mom and dad and slept the rest of the day. And I think this will be my spot for a few days. Leg is up, crutches waiting beside me and I’ve had dinner. Life is pretty good at the moment and I am waiting for my leg to wake up, it’s still sound asleep minding it’s own business.
Thanks for all the nice comments and get well thoughts.
Yesterday, today and tomorrow is all about time management. How to fit everything in that I am supposed to do. Kids need to be on different locations, in different towns and with different equipment. And I need to figure out how to be on three different places at the same time. Brjann is in Australia this week. He had a bad trip over with lot of cancelations and bad weather but he finally got there and his bags too from what I’ve heard. That’s a bonus. Clean underwear is always nice.
I need to answer emails, work a little bit and I need to get my car serviced. It has a weird rubbery smell from the breaks and it makes noises. But I figured I could just use Brjann’s car since he is gone. That will save me some time. Our house could really use some love and care. My parents are flying over from Europe tomorrow and it would be nice if they would find their way up to the guestroom without having to step around clothes and random stuff. I got the trainer out from the guestroom, all bikes are back in the garage, I folded up the treadmill, cleaned the room and made the bed so I am halfway there.
It is book club tonight. I love it! I should go to the store, clean the house, chill wine and prepare for all those fabulous ladies coming over after dark. I figure if I dim the lights it will be all good. But I have a plan, ladies. Salmon, tiny boiled potatoes, lemon and dill cream sauce, salad, quinoa, cheese, fruit salad and ice cream. And some cappuccinos and chocolates after dinner. Can’t go wrong, I just need to pick up the groceries.
So instead of actually doing something that I should I am sitting here by the oven. I baked bread, had a cup of coffee, a cinnamon bun and I thought about life for a while. It’s all about choices. The girls and I ate dinner last night and talked a lot about choices. The two high school kids in the family had to figure out what classes to sign up for. Next school year is coming fast. And what can I say? Always make smart choices? It’s always good to be a step ahead and choose wisely? But is it fun? So my advice was to try and find something fun and try not worry. And so what if you get a B. There are so many things we need to do in life, so many steps we need to go through. The kids need to start thinking of college when they start high school, and they take high school classes in middle school. They get burned out before they even started. Is this actually the way we want our kids to grow up? I still think they should have recess twice a day, no homework, lots of group projects and art every day. Even if they are in high school. They should have lots of time to hang with their friends, time to walk to Starbucks for a hot chocolate and not drive by. They should watch too many movies, bounce a ball a thousand times against a wall, listen to music loud. They should have more time.
Middle school volleyball season started last week and we are fortuned to have our youngest little walnut in varsity this year. And I am sure it will be a great season with both ups and downs. This is the highlight of the year. Our older kids look back with smiles on their faces. I think one of the most important things you can give to your kids is a village. A village of people that lift you up, environments that makes you feel safe and activities that strengthen you in mind and body. When you move to a new country you leave your village and you have to slowly build a new. We have truly found a big part of our village in middle school volleyball. The coaches that are also teachers/counselors are spreading fairy dust over the gym every day, bringing breakfast to morning practices before school, being there for the kids, talking to parents and just being great. The greatest.
Stay curious and have an open mind. When you know better, do better.
Happy Saturday! The sun is shining and it’s a bright blue sky. The ground sparkles because it’s cold outside. It’s a lovely day for a run, but here I am inside, with a cup of coffee in my hand looking out through dirty windows.
The past weeks I’ve been asked if I can write up training or running programs for friends and people I barely know. I must say that I am very flattered. Extremely flattered actually. How on earth do you think I actually know anything about training? Do I? I know that I am usually nicer to others than myself. I can treat my own body pretty bad and overdo things and at the same time I tell people around me to slow down and listen to the body. I have done a lot of training the past 5 years but I always get help from the best. I usually get monthly programs that meets my needs and abilities, my time and willingness to move and run. Detailed if I have something big planned. Right now my week is kind of basic. I don’t have any mile or time requirements, I actually do what I want to do. Keeping a base and staying fit, but still trying to balance hard and easy days. I must admit that I am extremely worried that I will get injured, twist or turn something so I have backed off and have more easy days than I am used to. I went through a long year with a shoulder that constantly dislocated and it took a good six months to get back on track after surgery. When I broke my elbow the year after it felt like it was the end of the world. I am still working on getting the strength back without surgery. I still get chills when I think of clipping my feet in and have actually switched my pedals on all three bikes to regular ones for a while.
I always get a bit worried during the winter that I will lose it. It doesn’t feel like you are working as much when you stay indoors at the gym. Running and biking outside for a longer time gives you feeling of exhaustion that is hard to top when you do the same inside. And I really miss that. The calm and relaxed feeling of a very tired body. I talked about yoga with a couple of friends yesterday and the yogi in the group stressed the importance of being consistent. If you want to enjoy yoga and improve you need to make a commitment and stay with it for a while. It takes time to get that relaxed feeling. I am not a yogi. I try every now and then, and so far I like hot yoga the most. But we are all different. Running a mountain in rain, snow or sunshine, running a muddy trail with old trees on the side, running on the side a blue lake or meeting a surprised deer in a dark forest that fills me with a relaxed and calm feeling that many people find in the yoga studio. We are all different. But whatever you do, yoga, pilates, running or cycling it takes time and commitment before you get to enjoy the good feeling and relaxed mind. I am working on learning how to like pilates at the moment. After a month of pilates classes I am still not overwhelmed with joy but I can see the benefits. I am stiff and not very flexible so my goal is to work on that. Pilates is very much about breathing and getting strength from that in your movements. I actually think this can benefit your running so I am sticking with it for a while even if it’s not very adventurous.
And from me to you without saying too much of stuff I know noting about…
Shoes. Very important. Get a good pair of shoes or two. It has nothing to do with color or brand. Find shoes that are comfortable and works for you. I have a pair of shoes that I love. A pair of bright green Brooks Cadence, slightly big and dirty. They are sold out, nowhere to find. Those kind if things gives you nightmares. I am learning how to like Nike Flyknit. Loved my first pair, not my second. And it has nothing to do with the color, they feel different. How does that happen? All my Icebugs are amazing on muddy trails and in the water. And my Brooks Pure Grit are great on trails too. I love the feeling of a new pair of running shoes. I have a lot of shoes, more than I need. Ahh, can’t believe that I wrote that.
Find your motivation. Find your spark. Sign up for a race, make a commitment, but start slow. Meet a friend the same time every week. Or even better, someone you don’t know that well, then it’s hard to cancel. My first race was a hilly half marathon. Maybe not a good start but it was a good feeling to finish and it made me going.
Find some kind of exercise you enjoy doing and look forward to when you wake up. For me working out is an addiction, I am very aware of that. Some people get addicted to nicotine, TV, food, computer games or alcohol. For me exercise is a mood changer, it makes me happy. I get a kick out of something adventurous, I don’t mind snow and ice on a trail or a map that is slightly off. I like surprises and when things don’t go as planned. I like the pain. It makes me feel alive.
Make it a habit. Don’t skip days and say that you will do it tomorrow. Stick with your plan but be flexible. If it’s pouring and you can’t take it go inside, if you have an injury do something that doesn’t hurt…
If I wanted to get into running and get a good base I would aim for three runs per week. One long run that you build up over time, one speedy run and one shorter. Don’t go crazy. If you can’t talk, slow down. And speed work / intervals are supposed to make you feel really tired, it’s hard.
Rest but not too much. I don’t like rest days but lately I’ve really tried to rest more than I usually do. I think it is better to move a little bit if you feel sore. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, swim. If you can’t swim, sit in the sauna for a while.
Crosstrain, get a strong body. Bike, swim, yoga and take a strength class. And if you don’t like running, pick another sport. Life is too short.
Find a good personal trainer that you like and trust. Get help if you want to improve or if you feel stuck. It took me time to get over that it is ok to ask for help even if you are a regular non pro person that likes to exercise.
Don’t get stuck on the same route or the treadmill. If you have signed up for a race you better start running outside even if it is cold. I usually run inside once a week, for speed/intervals. And a couple of miles here and there for warm up. Nothing beats the feeling of a nice chilly run outside.
We are all slow. I know, some slower than others. And some days are worse then others. It doesn’t matter. We all have our fears but that should not stop you from doing the things you want to do. My fear is that I will slow everybody else down if I do a team race, especially if I run with fast men. But, you just keep running…
Go the hard way. Don’t make bad choices, how many times in our life do we hear that. But if you always take the easy way you don’t get challenged. If you can choose between a hilly and a flat route home, go for the hilly.
Stay away from bears and mountain lions.
Don’t forget to eat well. Breakfast, lunch and dinner, yes, every day. And snacks between meals. And make sure to cook something good, you are supposed to enjoy what you eat.
You might as well go for a run or go to the gym. If you don’t, you never know when to take a shower.
Wear you sweat and dirt with pride. Enjoy the day and grab a beer when you are finished.
charlottebrekkan.com 